Thesis and Topic Sentences | Sample Paragraphs | How to Explain | Verbs and Sentence Patterns for Argument | Repetition | Evaluating Body Paragraphs
Below you'll find paragraphs from previous students along with written and more extensive audio commentary. Use them to see how readers respond to arguments, and thus anticipate their objections -- and how to shift those objections to commendations.
First, remember that you should read through the following links to understand the basics of making an argument: Links to other pages
For additional sources on capital punishment, click on the appropriate link (Essay 2) on the Supplemental Readings page.
Just as in essay 1, you'll be guiding readers through your ideas using a thesis statement and topic sentences. Note in the examples a major rhetorical difference: a shift from report discourse to argumentative discourse -- a movement from "Many argue that the death penalty . . ." to "The death penalty . . . ."
For an idea of the changes you should be making in your revision, consider the following draft and revised thesis and topic sentences.
Draft Thesis
| Racial discrimination, poor legal representation and the breakdown of mental health are all negative contributing factors on the entire country through capital punishment. |
Revised Thesis
| Racial discrimination, poor legal representation. and the damaging psychological effects on those who administer the punishment all contribute to the problems with the death penalty. |
Draft Topic Sentence
| Have we ever considered what capital punishment does to those who actually have to perform the act? Executioners face many challenges having to be the actual person who has to take that life. |
Revised Topic Sentence
| Americans seldom consider what capital punishment does to those who actually have to perform the act. As the people who actually end an inmate's life, executioners often face debilitating psychological problems. |
Let's look at the same sequence, but with a different stance and thesis.
Draft Thesis
| Capital punishment is an acceptable form of punishment, as it provides another form of crime deterred, serves as a form of justice to the victims and their families, and cuts the cost of housing criminals in jail. |
Revised Thesis
| Not only does the death penalty help console grieving families, it deters crime and can even provide cost savings if the costs of trials are cut. |
Draft Topic Sentence
| Moreover, the death penalty brings closure to the victims and their families. |
Revised Topic Sentence
| Not only can capital punishment act as a crime deterrent but it can bring closure to victims' families. |
As you can tell from both sets of examples, when revising thesis statements, focus on clarifying and making your writing more engaging.
Topic sentences? Note that both refer back to the writer's position and a specific division. Transition readers from one division to the next by repeating the previous division? Works well here.
These should give you an idea of the kind of writing necessary to make convincing arguments. In particular, pay attention to the level of detail the writer does -- or doesn't -- supply.
Example 1: Alexa
| Capital punishment discriminates against a range of people. This does not only mean it discriminates people because of their race, but financial status and disabilities play a factor to this as well. The major discrimination factor is race. In Freedman’s article he wrote, “Racial discrimination in death-sentencing, which [. . .] has been documented repeatedly.” In trials the court tries to give everybody equal opportunities but that is not the case because he added “black citizens are the victim of double discrimination.” In another case Jost wrote about a grandmother of an IQ of 72 was sentenced to death because she was “retarded”. In most circumstances when someone convicts a crime they are most likely under the influence of drugs alcohol, or something is their brain is not normal. This is the stimuli to why these people carry out with their actions. The issue with discrimination is that it does not give every human their right to be equal just because they are different. Eventually do to discrimination, more violence or even crime rights may increase because this is a very common issue not only during a trial. The purpose of the death penalty is to supposed to decrease crime, then why are so many issues uprising from it? |
Example 2: Kelly
| Capital punishment should be eliminated due to the fact that it simply does not deter crime. Imagine this, a mentally ill person about to commit a mass shooting because they are having an episode. That person is not thinking about the consequences and if they are going to be killed by the death penalty. So even if there was or wasn’t a death penalty, the person would still commit the crime because they don’t think about the consequences. In Eric Freedman’s reading, he wrote “People who commit capital murders generally do not engage in probability analysis concerning the likelihood of getting the death penalty if they are caught.” No matter what the consequences are, the person is still going to commit that crime. In fact, some mentally crazy people will choose states with the death penalty because they want to die after committing the crime. Another example is when Kenneth Jost, stated, “Many in the law enforcement community voice doubts that killers actually weigh the potential consequences of their crimes before committing them” (971). People that commit the crime are not thinking about what is going to happen to them because they are so mentally unstable at the time so the only thing on their mind is, for example, shooting hundreds of people. The death penalty does not deter crime; it just makes the people against the criminal feel a whole lot better. |
Example 3: Shelby
| The cost of the death penalty may not seem to be enough reasoning to go against it because money is just money, but there are more negative effects of the death penalty. Discrimination unfortunately plays a major role in deciding the fate of many human lives. In Freedman’s The Death Penalty Does Not Deter Crime he mentions, “…the races of the victim and defendant are critical variables in determining who is sentenced to death.” For example, if a man of color murders a white man, the chances of him being sentenced to death are much higher than they would be if it were a white man killing a man of color. Though one would think discrimination against color would be enough, often times the inmates are discriminated by income as well. Also mentioned in Freedman’s The Death Penalty Does Not Deter Crime he argues that, “most capital defendants can not afford an attorney, so the court must appoint counsel.” What this means is that if the defendant is not wealthy enough to hire someone to defend him or her, the court grants permission to the counsel to sentence the defendant to death. Due to someone being financially unstable, they are punished to death because they have no money to pay for someone to fight for their life. |
Example 4: Mark
| The systematic execution of the guilty should see no color right? The sad reality is that is does, at least the judges that sentence people of color to execution do. The trial and whether or not they are fair is coming into play. Fairness has always been a sore subject for people of color as they have suffered oppression, hate, and prejudice. These things are still around till this day, society tries not to bring light to it. The court room is judgment day. The upsetting truth is that some judges and jury members are focused on the color of the defendant’s skin rather than the seriousness of his or her crime. The racial appearance of the victim and defendant are critical variables in determining who is sentenced to death. Racism is everywhere even if society chooses to ignore it, it is real, it is experienced every day, it is in our justice system. |
Example 5: Carrisa
| When criminals commit a crime and get jail for maybe ten years or less, it is a message to other criminals that if they commit the crime they will not be harshly punished for it either. With the death penalty in effect it deters most crimes from repeating because they know the consequence. If a criminal is charged for murder and only gets time in jail, there is a very likely chance they will kill another or multiple in mates. Johansen points out that, “Consistently when the number of executions goes down, the homicide rate goes up, and when the number of executions goes up, the homicide rate goes down”. This is in most cases because throughout the years there have been many different situations when the about of homicides has no correlation with the executions, but that doesn’t mean that the executions are not effective. |
Example 6: Merri
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Capital punishment is an unnecessary financial burden for American taxpayers and state and federal judicial systems. Eric Freedman, a death penalty professor at the Hofstra University School of Law, states that, “California has succeeded in executing just two defendants, (one a volunteer) since 1976, but could save $90,000,000 per year by abolishing the death penalty.” Paying such a high price for something not even proven to keep citizens safe is outrageous. The death penalty takes ninety million dollars from the state of California. How can the government claim to care about all citizens if they are wasting precious resources to execute two people in the span of twenty-two years? If even half of that money was used to promote proven safety measures, like the education of vulnerable potential offenders or increasing the state criminal justice budget, then California would be a safer, better place for all citizens. Richard Dieter, the Executive Director of the Death Penalty Information Center, writes that “states have a choice: they can execute perhaps one person per year at the cost of $10 million, or use the same money to hire 200 police officers” (qtd. In Jost 981). United States citizens pay taxes to ensure their welfare. Executions will not save any lives, but law enforcement and education already have. If the death penalty is not abolished, then those tax dollars can only be a fruitless confirmation that making a final judgment about one criminal is more important to America than justice and safety for all of her people. |
Example 7: Merri - Counterargument
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Despite this moral argument, many still in favor of capital punishment cite crime deterrence as the fundamental reason to uphold it. Jay Johansen, a freelance writer and blogger, believes that statistical evidence supports the death penalty as a deterrent for potential murderers. He writes for Opposing Views that “The number of executions plummeted from 47 in 1962 to 2 in 1967 to zero in 1968. The homicide rate, which had been holding steady around 50 throughout the 50’s, started up in 1965, just two years after executions began their plummet. The biggest increase in one year came in 1967, the same year that the last person was executed.” However, the statistics surrounding deterrence can be twisted to suit any vantage point. I could look at the same set of facts and say it proves there is no deterrence. The so-called facts are inconclusive, and crime, particularly homicide, continues regardless of statistics. Ironically, Myron Love, the chief prosecutor in Harris County, execution capital of America, is quoted in Freedman’s article stating that “We are not getting what I think we should be wanting and that is to deter crime […] in fact, the result is the opposite. We’re having more violence, more crime.” In Harris County, Texas, the county with the highest homicide rate in the nation, crime statistics show a lack of deterrence. Johansen goes on to say that “the court decisions allowing executions to resume came a year or two before executions actually did resume. Criminals may have been responding to press reports that capital punishment was once again going to take place.” There is a lot of psychological chatter about criminal emotional intelligence, and the facts are that most murderers who ‘earn’ the death sentence are not self-aware or emotionally charged enough to recognize the consequences of their actions. Punishment is irrelevant to most because all that matters is the present desire to harm. Freedman further expounds on this point, writing that “People who commit capital murders generally do not engage in probability analysis […] they may be severely mentally disturbed like Ted Bundy, who chose Florida for his final crimes because it had a death penalty.” Though it is presently impossible to tell whether or not the death penalty deters criminals from a statistical standpoint, psychological research has proven that people who commit murder are not thinking of the consequences. The only possible deaths that cross their minds are the deaths of their victims.. |
The main error students make in this kind of writing is not explaining or “telling” why a particular example proves their point. Remember that to readers, an example is only a group of words describing something. They might look at the exact same data/description, and draw a completely different conclusion. You have to create the story, let the readers see why and how that specific example changed the wiring in your brain and made you adopt your position. See below for sentence patterns that will help you with this.
Just as in Essay 1, your writing will be grounded in source material. See the Integrating Quotes Into Your Essay page and the appropriate sections of our textbooks for a review.
Verb List and Sentence Patterns for Argument
When introducing (providing a context) your examples or explaining them, use the verb list below to shift your language into an argumentative discourse. These could also be used for introducing sources.
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add |
believe |
criticize |
explain |
maintain |
point out |
show |
The sentence starters below can provide a structure to move into argument.
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Repetition, Repetition, Repetition
Use repetition of key words (within reason, of course) or synonyms within the paragraph to keep readers focused on the topic of that paragraph. Think of them as a friendly nudge on the shoulder of the reader that says “Hey you, this is my point – stop thinking about what you’ll have for lunch tomorrow and pay attention.”
Remember too that requoting a word from a quote in an explanation can emphasize a point and keep readers (and writers) focused on the topic.
Consider the examples below:
| The grief of surviving families isn't always relieved by execution. Peggy Broxterman, who lost a son in the Oklahoma City bombing, says ''You close on a house [. . . .] You don't close on a death'' (qtd. in Rimer). Broxterman, who wanted bomber's executed, comparison of "a house" to the deep emotion of loss is telling:grief isn't an object like a house; it cannot be bought and sold. |
| Kristoff establishes his objectivity by frankly expressing a truth about most who are executed: “the great majority of people executed are guilty. They have frequently killed with the utmost savagery.” His emphasis on the “savagery” of those convicted of murder suggests that he is clear eyed and unforgiving about the crimes these people have committed. |
When revising, check if your body paragraph is accomplishing the following: