|
You'll
find here a variety of suggestions and student writing samples. Use
them as a guide for your revision and as examples of writing to strive
for -- or avoid.
Note: the samples were
extensively revised by the students before submission – this is what
your own essay can look like, not how it reads after a single draft.
Organization
| Topic Sentences | Argument | Context
| Framing a Paragraph/Argument
| Engaging the Reader for Fun
and Profit | Transitions | Introductions
| Odds and Sods
Organization guides readers through your essay, transforming the rich
-- but jumbled -- array of thoughts and arguments in your head into a
logical flow that another person can follow and nod along with as they
read.
Look for the following when revising to clarify your
organization:
- Clear thesis and divisions
- Clear topic sentences with repetition of division
word (see below for example)
- Repetition of division word within paragraph
- You
could also develop list of synonyms connected to division work. For
instance, in a paragraph discussing an oppressive society, you could
use words like suppress, control, hold back, etc. to keep readers
focused on your main point.
- Break divisions into two paragraphs?
Below you'll find a thesis statement and body paragraphs
from a student essay.
Thesis
| Edna
goes through several stages trying to achieve the independence she
desires. The first stage is when she is aware that she is confined, yet
accepts it. The second stage is when she tests her confinement. The
final stage is when she reaches her ultimate goal -- independence. |
Body Paragraphs: note
repetition of key words throughout each paragraph.
|
In the first stage Edna is trapped yet she accepts
her place in
society. In the 1800's women stayed home busying themselves with
household obligations and overseeing the care of their children.
Etiquette books of the time tell women the home is "the nucleus around
which her affections should revolve, and beyond which she has
comparatively small concern" (Seyersted
122). Edna accepts this role as dutiful wife and mother. Mr. Pontieller
shares the cultural attitudes of the time and "look[s] at his wife as
one looks at a valuable piece of personal property" (4). He does not
love her for her individuality; she is not individual in his eyes
because she is his possession. He believes she belongs to him, just as
the birds in the opening scene "were the property of Madame Lebrun"
(1). Edna is caged in Leonce's house just as the birds were in the
Lebrun's. When Leonce goes to Klein's, Edna questions whether or not he
will be back for dinner. Leonce patted his pocket but did not answer.
Edna "understood [it depended on the game] and laughed, nodding goodbye
to him" (5). At this point, early in the novel, she does not get upset
or angry at his vague answer: she accepts her place as his wife.
Edna
finds herself crying one night when her husband leaves home to spread
his own wings at the local club, Klein's. While the narrator notes that
"Such [crying episodes. . . ] were not uncommon in her married life"
(8), she had endured them because she felt there was no way out: being
trapped in a marriage was the accepted social norm and she, at this
point, preferred internalizing her feelings to acting on
them.<<<NOTE HOW THIS REPETITION KEEPS YOU FOCUSED
ON THE
FIRST DIVISION -- SHE'S REMINDING THE READER THAT SHE'S STILL WORKING
WITH THE FIRST DIVISION. She does not have the ability to go where she
pleases when she pleases. It is this same kind of entrapment that lead
Betty Friedan to write the Feminine Mystique, fifty
four years after Chopin wrote The Awakening.
Friedan wrote about women who "[felt] empty somehow . . . incomplete"
(435). She wrote about how women wanted something for themselves: a
life that included more than just living for their husbands. Edna was
crying for this same reason. Society expected women to take care of the
home in the 1890's, just as it continued to do in the 1960's. And a
home can often assume the shape of a prison.
On Grand Isle Edna
began to test the limits of her entrapment.
<<<MOVES READER
FROM FIRST DIVISION TO SECOND DIVISION |
Topic sentences serve two purposes: 1) they refer back to your
divisions, guiding the reader through your essay; and 2) they set up
and focus the individual arguments in your paragraphs which will prove
the validity of your thesis.
Consider the following thesis and topic sentences:
Thesis
For Davis, the
oppression of the working class is supported by religion, the press,
and capitalism.
Topic sentence for division one of thesis
With
the exception of the Quakers, established religion's blindness to the
plight of the working class amounts to a form of oppression.
Topic sentence for division two of thesis
Another mechanism of
oppression in "Life" is the press.
Topic sentence for division three of
thesis
While religion and the press are responsible for holding back the
working class, the force most strongly oppressing the working classes
is capitalism.
Note
that the topic sentences refer back to both the thesis (oppression of
working class) and the divisions (religion, the press, and capitalism).
They also each make a declarative statement that needs to be proven.
The topic sentence for division three also functions as
a transition from previous paragraphs.
Topic
sentences often need to be revised as you develop and extend your
argument -- try to break up explanation of each division over several
paragraphs (see example in Organization section above).
This
serves two purposes: 1) it sets up your point/argument by telling the
reader why you're bringing up a particular source or quote, and 2) it
gives the reader information to help identify the speaker or place the
speaker or example in the given work. For example, a quote from Ragged
Dick could be introduced in the following manner:
| For
Alger, education is part of the larger idea of technological progress,
a fixture of the American ideal. Mr. Whitney notes that "it was one of
my books that first put me on the track of the invention, which I
afterwards made. So you see, my lad, that my studious habits paid me in
money" (49). |
Context
helps readers 1) by making the reader think "Oh yeah, now I remember
that part" and 2) by letting readers better understand (and thus agree
with) your argument by framing it in a manner so they can understand
it. Here, it's clear that the writer wants to accentuate the idea of
progress and connect it to technology. The sentence leading up to the
quote does this by planting the word "technological" in the reader's
mind, which is then reflected in the quote by the word "invention." By
setting up your example so clearly, your argument flows logically from
your example and explanation leaving the reader with a satisfied "Ahhh"
as opposed to a befuddled "huh?"
Readers
often need additional information after your topic sentence to help
them understand the connection between your division and thesis.
This helps you frame or set up the argument for your reader
by
helping them "see" the point you're going to make in the
paragraph. Consider the example below by Tyler:
Thesis: Davis’s
negative portrayal of
capitalism is still relevant today because it enforces a
caste
system, encourages people to associate money with morality, and is
racially
divisive.
One way Davis’
criticism of capitalism’s caste system “Life in the Iron Mills,” is
reflected in contemporary America is through the failure of trickle down economics -- also
known as supply side theory. Trickle down economics, an
economic model made
popular by
Ronald Reagan, involves cutting taxes for the wealthiest with the
belief
that the extra money they would receive would trickle down to
middle-class
and lower-class Americans through job creation, investment, and
purchasing. It also suggested that with a
lower tax rate
the rich would be more inclined to donate money.
While trickle down economics is a relatively new term, low tax rates for the
wealthy is
nothing new, and was the norm in 1840s America -- the period “Life” was
set in. Davis illustrates the failures of this economic
theory through a
conversation
between Hugh Wolfe and Doctor May, suggesting that even with Hugh's
talents as an artist, he cannot get ahead in life because he was born
into
poverty.
Doctor May, as a sanctimonious wealthy doctor with wealthy friends and
a prestigious
position
in society, is a natural to preach the trickle down gospel.
When Doctor May notices Hugh’s artistic talent, he
exclaims
that,
Do you know, boy,
you have it in you to be a great sculptor, a great man? do you
understand?”
(talking down to the capacity of his hearer: it is a way people have
with
children, and men like Wolfe,)—“to live a better, stronger life than I,
or Mr.
Kirby here? A man may make himself anything he chooses. God has given
you
stronger powers than many men,—me, for instance (16).
Here
Doctor May points out the obvious: Hugh has
talents that should enable him to succeed in society. But his
response points out the fallacy of supply side economics. As
someone from a
privileged background, Doctor May sees only opportunity for Hugh -- he
doesn't see
the cost
that it takes to pay for that opportunity. Hugh, however,
understands
he needs help
and responds, “I know,” quietly. “Will you help me?” (16).
Hugh
knows that he needs support from a benefactor to be able to
pursue a
career in art; his quiet tone suggests he also understands that he will
not be
getting that funding from Doctor May. May’s response to Hugh?
“Why should one be raised, when myriads are left?—I have not
the
money, boy”(16). This shows the error in the argument that if social
programs
are cut the rich will donate more. Doctor May is very wealthy
but will
not spare any of his fortune to help Hugh. If the government
does not
redistribute wealth through taxation and social programs, it will not
be
redistributed. Even when the person who needs charity has a
marketable
skill that could earn a return on investment, no one wants to help
him.
Despite his talents, Hugh never gets to become an artist because he
never has
the financial backing that he needs; despite his hard work and talent
he never
escapes poverty because he was born into it.
|
Let's start with some basics: note how the topic
sentence refers back to the thesis (negative effects of capitalism) and
a specific division (caste system).
Then, because readers may be uncertain how "trickle down
economics" could connect to literature, he first defines the term, and
then explains how it could fit. And speaking of framing,
note how the repetition of words like economic, taxes, wealth, etc.
keep the reader focused on the argument.
Remember
that quotes do not explain themselves: it's your job as the writer to
make your case by providing the reasoning behind your decision to
include a particular quote.
- Provide context to set up your quotes
- Look at the following aspects of the quote
- Figurative language (metaphor, symbol)
- Characterization (psychological motivations of a
character)
Explain how either of these (or both) support your reading of a quote
and/or the point you're making in the paragraph.
- Focus
on explaining how your quote proves your point – talk out the
significance of your quote, explaining how and why it proves your point
by using
- Analogies
- "If . . . then" sentence patterns
- Historical Connections
- Contrast or comparison
- Definitions of word
- Try using a verb from the following list to shift
into argument
agree
argue
believe
charge
claim
comment
|
conclude
consider
criticize
declare
describe
define
|
discover
emphasize
explain
feels
illustrate
imply
|
indicate
reinforce
reveals
shows
suggests
supports |
Sample sentences might follow these patterns include
|
This ____ suggests that
_______
They indicate the ____
This emphasis on finding ______ suggests that ___________
Supporting this idea of a capitalism as an oppressive force, the
narrator adds __________
The description reinforces the idea that ______
|
Analogies can be effective strategies for making
arguments, as can be seen in the following example.
|
Having a good home in a good neighborhood is
another important part of attaining respectability in Ragged
Dick.
Where a person lives plays a large part in their class. Today, for
instance, if someone says "I live in Beverly Hills," people would get
images of sunshine, palm trees, beautiful homes -- in short, money --
in their heads. This would place the person firmly in the category of
upper or middle class, a position (if not location) that Dick dreams of
attaining. In contrast, if someone says "I live in Camden, NJ," then
images of crime, garbage, and decaying project housing come to mind.
Naturally, this would lead to a bad impression, and less respect.
Obviously, the place one lives has an effect on how the world sees and
subsequently treats that person.
This contrast is clearly seen in Ragged
Dick.
Where Dick and Fosdick lived had a direct effect on the way
people
treated them, especially if that person did not know them. The scene
where Dick accompanies Fosdick to a job interview at a hat store
illustrates this. After finding out where they lived, "Roswell curled
his lip when this name was pronounced, for Mott Street, as my New York
readers know, is in the immediate neighborhood of the Five-Points, and
very far from a fashionable locality" (83). Mott Street, where Dick and
Fosdick lived, disgusted Roswell because of its proximity to the
Five-Points slum, and Roswell looked down on them through guilt by
association. Since they did not come from a respectable place, Dick and
Fosdick were not going to be given respect by many people. Mott Street
and the Five-Points left a taint on its residents. This is why at the
end of the story, when they could finally afford it, the boys decide to
move to a "nicer quarter of the city" (115). After the move to a more
respectable neighborhood, Dick and Fosdick will be given the respect
they deserve, instead of being shunned for living in a slum. They are
moving up in the world, and must live in a neighborhood that reflects
this rise.
|
Good
job here of using an analogy (comparison) to show the importance of
location, location, location. And good job of carefully explaining how
that analogy plays out in the novel itself.
When was the last time you saw the words "fun" and
"academic writing" in the same sentence?
I thought so.
And yet the best way to convince a reader that you're
point is valid is to make them enjoy what they're reading.
Since
getting eyeball on the page -- and keeping them there -- is the goal of
any good writing, let's look at how Daniel pulls off this
trick.
|
Thesis focused on the river symbolizing Huck's moral growth.
A public
high school cafeteria presents a sea of problems for teenagers: should
they think for themselves, or allow
others to
think for them. “Hey, don’t talk to Terry, he’s weird.” or “I
heard Margaret
eats her
own toenails, stay away from her.” Do they listen to others and avoid
Terry and Margaret or do they ignore the prevailing social codes
and check for themselves if they enjoy their company. A
nineteenth century version of a teenager having to think for himself is
portrayed in Huckleberry Finn.
At the beginning of the novel, Huck is the teenager who goes along with
the crowd and treats a person like an object. However, once he's
on the river with Jim and out of the the cafeteria of white Southern
prejudice, he sees a side of an African American that most couldn’t, or
simply
didn’t care to see.
Water
played a crucial role in this growth and acceptance by Huck of a black person's humanity: Jim
let him see that African Americans were not objects -- they
were humans with families and real emotions. The river, a symbol
of growth in an agricultural region, supplies the sustenance Huck needs
to open his eyes hand help him grow into a better human being.
This is made clear by looking at his views before and after his
time on the river. Early in their journey, before the river has
helped Huck grow, he doesn’t really care about Jim too much and
really doesn’t
think
much of his intelligence. When Huck and Jim get into an argument about
language, and Jim seems to be making valid points, Huck just dismisses
the
argument altogether saying “I see it warn’t no use wasting words - you
can’t
learn a nigger to argue. So I quit” (179). Huck was dismissing
the
conversation because he felt that he didn’t really have to respect Jim
enough
to validate anything he is saying.
Yet
there is a positive correlation between time spent on the river Huck's
moral growth. Separated from the racist Southern values by the
river, Huck's feelings toward Jim change as he begins to learn
about his life. Jim begins to
confide
in Huck, telling him that he wishes to gain his freedom so that he may
save
money to free his family as well. Huck listens and begins to grow, but
is held back by lingering feelings of Jim as property. The ultimate
test comes when the two are
nearing the
town of Cairo. Huck encounters men looking for runaway slaves. Huck
wants to
turn in Jim, but because of the moral growth fostered by the river he
cannot. He tells the men that all
that is on
the raft is his sick father and family, and makes sure that they know
that they
are white. He even tells the men that the sickness is contagious so
that they
will not search. The marks a change in Huck. He aligns himself
with Jim instead of his fellow white man. He is
actively
choosing to protect Jim instead of doing the easier thing and turning
him in
and possibly getting some money for him.
As
the two spend more time on the river, a peaceful bond grows between the them. The
calmness of the
river and the idea of sharing this small raft with one other
person for
so long brings them together. Huck describes the river as a
being
“perfectly still” saying “Not a sound, anywheres-perfectly still-just
like the
whole world was asleep” (202). This feeling of stillness with
just one
other person can bring anyone together. Huck is no exception. As he
and Jim
get to talking, a spark of maturity is shown in Huck. They have a
conversation about the stars and the sky, and they have differing
opinions on
whether they were created or if they naturally happened. “Jim he
allowed they
made, but I allowed they happened” (203). Judging from their earlier
argument
one would expect this situation to end in same dismissive way. However this time Huck listens and explains that “Jim said
the moon
could a laid them ” (203). Instead of dismissing this with a racist comment, Huck
respects
his logic nothing “Well, that looked kind of reasonable, so I
didn’t say
nothing against it.”(203). Though Huck may not have noticed it, his
time with
Jim was starting to change his way of thinking.
At
the end of the
trip down this river of growth, Huck illustrates the depth
of his growth. Jim was sold
by the Duke who could care less about him. But when Huck
realizes that he is really Jim’s only friend and weighs
all of
the options, he is forced to make a decision. Does he leave Jim to be
someone's
slave, does he write a letter to Miss Watson, or does he go back and
save him?
In a testament to the power of the river, chooses to save Jim --
and is willing to be damned to do it. Making his final decision not to
send
the
letter to Mrs Watson, Huck says to himself “All right, then, I'll go to
hell” (262). Huck is showing a conscious change in his
personality. He willing to risk his afterlife to save someone one
that his fellow Southerners would not even deem human. This
reveals a far different person than the one that won’t even
continue
a conversation with Jim because he doesn’t respect him enough. The Huck
that
the reader knew at the beginning of the story, on land before the
river, has grown due to his time on the water. Huck comes out on
the other side of the
river as a
more mature, and understanding person. Though Huck was physically the
same, his time on the river has changed his conscience and morals. He
is now the kind of teenager who can ignore the cafeteria codes, and sit
with who he wants. For earlier draft, click here.
|
A few things here. First, several paragraphs to explain the
argument: did you get bored or were you engaged? I was engaged
first because the interesting analogy pulled me in at the beginning: if
a modern day Dante would update the Inferno, one of the rings would be a high school cafeteria. Dan had me hooked. What kept me hooked was the repetition
and slow and steady working through his argument. Many writers,
particularly in their rough drafts, worry that the reader is getting
board and rush through their explanations. Here, Dan carefully
lays out his point, constantly going back to and explaining his point. The result? A series of paragraphs that you both want to read and clearly argue a point.
Let's start with student example from an essay on truth in Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried.
Another
way O'Brien shows truth is what is remembered and imagined is that
imagination can be an extremely powerful aspect of a story. O'Brien
insists that the unimaginable aspects of a story is the "truth" and the
normal aspects are there to make the story believable. Since the war was
so reluctant normal ideas are necessary to a story. "Often the crazy
stuff is true and the normal stuff isn't, because the normal stuff is
necessary to make you believe the truly incredible craziness" (O'Brien
71). In fundamental nature it would be difficult to believe a war story
unless there are practical characteristics that go collectively in the
story. In truth nothing really has to be true, however, in essence these
actions may have happened one time or another during the way, it may
not have been O'Brien's platoon but somewhere during the war these
instances happened. "Tim O'Brien takes the act of trying to reveal and
understand the uncertainties about the war one step further, by looking
at it through the imagination" (Kaplan 383). According to O'Brien, these
aspects are very well needed to make people feel the real drama of the
war. |
While the point of this paragraph is kinda/sorta clear, can you
follow the writer's argument? I couldn't. The reason? Too many jumps
in topic and not enough repetition.
Go With the Flow: How to Transition Between Sentences
Remember that when moving from sentence to sentence, readers must be
able to follow your logic. This is accomplished by using transitions.
The "This" in the previous sentence illustrates one way of knitting
together your thinking/writing – and is an important word to keep in
mind. By referring back to "follow your logic," the "This" acts as a
bridge, a connection between the two points you're making in your
sentences. Another way to make a connection is to use words like
"another" (for a list of such words, see below). Connections can also
be made by repetition, as in this sentence where I repeat the word
"connection" from the previous sentence. Using repetition and
transition words keep readers focused on the main topic of your
paragraph/idea, which in turn makes it easier for readers to follow your
logic.
Synonyms (and sugar on toast)
By now you should be wondering, "well, how do I come up with effective
transitions?" Easy. Working one paragraph at a time,
develop/brainstorm a list of synonyms or words/phrases associated with
the focus of that paragraph (Example? In a paragraph on "coping" you
might include words like settle, satisfied, adapt, make adjustments,
psychological, change etc.). Keep this list handy as you
revise/proofread, and be sure to insert these words throughout the
paragraph.
List of Transition Words (from Rules of Thumb)
- Adding a point: furthermore, besides, finally, in addition to
- Emphasis: above all, indeed, in fact, in other words, most important
- Time: then, afterwards, eventually, next, immediately, meanwhile, previously, already, often, since then, now, later,
usually
- Cause and Effect: as a result, therefore, thus
- Examples: for example, for instance
- Contrast: but, however, in contrast, instead, nevertheless, on the other hand, though, still, unfortunately
- Similarity: like, also, likewise, similarly, as
Transitions between paragraphs
Between paragraphs, the best technique is to repeat a word or
idea from the previous paragraph. As usual, this is best illustrated
with an example. Take a look at the following:
In addition to his character flaws, the end result of Sammy's "heroic" deed makes him a realistic hero.
Without even reading the previous paragraph, you can tell the
subject of it was _________. That's the advantage of repetition between
paragraphs: you keep reminding the reader of your focus which means you
keep reminding the reader of your argument, which means you keep your
reader happy.
If
the purpose of an introduction is to engage the reader and provide an
overview of your topic, and the purpose of your rough draft was to get
your thoughts down, it's probably time to rewrite your introduction.
Try the following suggestions -- and remember that in literary essays,
you should mention the 1) authors and 2) titles -- with dates -- you'll
be covering.
- analogy
- contemporary/historical events
- explain focus of essay
- personal connection
Conclusions?
Avoid merely summing up your main points (sure to invoke the yawn
reflex). Try to answer or refer back to your introduction – this
creates a kind of "circle" for the reader and results in a very
satisfying read.
Student Samples
|
Throughout
America's history women have not been treated equally compared to men.
Men have always had freedoms handed to them. Women have had to fight
for their freedoms. They fought for the right to vote, and the right to
own property. Men have always had the independence to do as they
desired without the interference of social restrictions. Women have not
been as fortunate. Even today, women are restrained by society. Women
are not compensated equally for the same position their male
counterpart holds. Men still maintain the majority of the executive
level positions.
This restraint was much worse for Edna
Pontieller, a character in Kate Chopin's 1899 novel, The
Awakening.
Edna desires freedom and individuality. These desires motivate her to
achieve independence. She goes through several stages trying to achieve
this independence. The first stage is when she is aware that she is
confined, yet accepts it. The second stage is when she tests her
confinement. The final stage is when she reaches her ultimate goal --
independence.
|
This
intro could use more work -- the list of ideas at the beginning is
rather bland and generalized. More specific examples would really help.
|
Many
people believe they are an island, dependent on no one, living without
regard to others. But as sociologist Diana Kendall notes, "Many of our
individual experiences may be largely beyond our own control. They are
determined by society as a whole"(4). This was particularly true in the
nineteenth century; Charles Wagner author of several popular self-help
books in the late 1890s, noted that "The first requisite to the
realization of the object of life is obedience" (43). The implication
here is those who do not accept their yoke -- those who act as if they
are on an island -- will not succeed. Unfortunately, some rebel so
strongly against the restrictions of society that survival is not
possible. Such a person is Edna Pontieller, the protagonist of Kate
Chopin's 1899 novel The Awakening. In this work,
Chopin
illustrates how the social restraints of a prevailing conservative
ideology degrades Edna's sense of hopeful defiance by straining her
relationships, and mental and spiritual health.
|
Much better here. The background information sets up the
thesis and provides the specificity that grabs the reader's attention. Tyler's
multi paragraph intro for his essay on "Life in the Iron Mills" shows
that sometimes you need to stretch out to set up your argument. Not So Free Markets: Anti-Capitalist Views in “Life in the Iron Mills”
America.
Capitalism. Freedom. These are words that conservatives
love to invoke when they are running for office. They would like
the public to believe that all three of these words are synonymous;
however, freedom and capitalism are two opposing concepts. To
guarantee freedom would be to ensure that all citizens can do what they
want and think what they want without restraint. Financial
insecurity is a restraint, and a truly free society would work hard to
try and eliminate this restraint. The conflict this presents is
that financial insecurity is important to capitalism. Capitalists
believe that financial insecurity encourages the poor to work harder;
because of this, they push policies that benefit the wealthiest
Americans and cut programs designed to help the poorest. For this
reason, capitalism only guarantees freedom to the wealthiest in
society. These are the people who own all the land, businesses,
and stocks. They run investment firms and help their friends get
into office through superpacs. They are able to make all the
decisions because they control both major political parties and they
own the media.
This is obviously a bleak portrait of
America, and if every citizen saw America this way, capitalism would
not be equated to the American Dream – the ideal that with a little
hard work and dedication people can rise out of the class they were
born in. The problem is that most Americans cannot see this stark
reality because of the propagandized myths that have come to define
America. The myth of the American Dream has been engraved by
authors like Horatio Alger. Published in 1868, Alger’s Ragged Dick
is one of the earliest portrayals of this propagandized American
capitalist system; he displays the exception as the norm. Ragged Dick
tries to convince its audience that a poor shoe shiner could become a
sophisticated member of society with a little hard work and
dedication.
While writers like Alger wrote about a
fantasized version of capitalism and America, there were also writers
who portrayed capitalism more accurately during the same time
period. One such writer was Rebbecca Harding Davis in her short
story “Life in the Iron Mills.” In this story, her main character
struggles to escape poverty in mid-1800 West Virginia. Yet even though
Davis’s story is set in antebellum West Virginia, her story it speaks
to contemporary views of economics. Davis’s portrayal of
capitalism is still relevant today because it shows how it enforces a
caste system, encourages people to associate money with morality, and
is racially divisive. |
I love the one
word sentences that open this introduction and the explanation/set up
of his argument. While he makes several generalizations that need
sourcing, his overall voice pulls the reader in -- and that's the goal
of an intro.
And
finally, remember that revision involves focusing on the reader.
Successful revision means continually asking "how can I make this
clearer?" "Will my reader understand me here? "What do I need to change
to clarify my argument?" I'm looking forward to reading your answers to
these questions.
Top suggestion for successful revision?
Work on your essay one paragraph at a time. In other words, do not try
to sit down and revise the entire essay in one sitting. Break your
revision down into sections so it will seem less onerous and so you can
continually come to your work with fresh eyes. For an overview of the
kind of reading necessary for revision, see Donald Murray's The Maker's Eye. You can also
review the suggestions on the Course Documents page.
Proofreading
Often confused with revision, this is the careful attention to words
and punctuation that separates the profound from the pedestrian (hint:
go for profound). After you've completed your revision -- which focused
on adding ideas, deleting wayward thoughts, adding explanations -- it's
time to focus on the words: the way that you'll communicate with the
reader.
Top
two suggestions for proofreading? 1) slowly read your work out loud: if
you sprain your tongue on a particular phrase, that's a sign it needs
work, and 2) repeat #1 . . . repeatedly. For an interesting take on the
kind of attention necessary when proofreading, see Pico Iyer's In Praise of the Humble Comma.
© 2008 David Bordelon
|