Income Inequality & Civic Stances

Definition Paragraphs | Organization - Thesis and Topic Sentences | Subdivisions | Defining Terms in Paragraph | Intro, Definition, and Thesis | Making Arguments | Specific Examples | Counter Argument  | Conclusion | Proofreading

#1 Sample Definition Paragraphs for Discussion

As we discussed in class, most readers will not know what you mean by income inequality. This means you'll have to define it for them.

There are several ways of doing this including

• describing it with a story;
• describing it with an analogy;
• listing pertinent facts.

What kind of factual info will you need? Always keep in mind the five questions: who, what, when, why, where, how.

• When: dates income started separating
• What: what are the differences (money, percentages from the different quintiles)
• Who: which classes of people are effected

You could also include info on when the current income inequality began and/or reference historical precedents such as the Gilded Age.

Example 1

Joe The Plumber. His name was plastered all over the news during the 2008 presidential election campaign. He was a pawn used by the McCain campaign to represent the average American. To represent the majority of the American population, specifically regarding the wage that the average American earns, and the taxes that Americans pay on those wages. The McCain campaign used Joe The Plumber to attack the progressive tax policy that Senator Barrack Obama had suggested during his campaign, suggesting that a tax plan of that nature would be harmful to the American citizens. The strategy was partially dependent on the concept of income inequality. Income inequality is the separation of the country's top wage earners and the rest of the populace. The gap between the highest earners and the rest of the country is continuously growing, as Roger Lowenstein, a New York Times Magazine contributor points out.  “In 1979, the upper 1 percent of the United States collected 9 percent of total income. Now [200? NEED TO INSERT DATE OF ARTICLE BECAUSE THE "NOW" IS A DIFFERENT TIME. NEED TO USE SQUARE BRACKETS B/C YOU'RE INSERTING INFO IN A QUOTE] they get 16 percent.” Income inequality happens when a select few earn the majority of the money in the country.  Most of the 20th century has seen a relatively low income inequality, but Elizabeth Gudrais, associate editor of Harvard Magazine, thinks that is all changing.  She believes that “income inequality has been rising since the late 1970's, and now rests at a level not seen since the Gilded Age - roughly 1870 to 1900, a period in U.S. history defined by the contrast between the excesses of the super-rich and the squalor of the poor.” When the super rich are making extravagant purchases, and Joe The Plumber is having his home foreclosed, that is income inequality.

Example 2

The definition of “Income is the amount of money or its equivalent received in exchange for labor or services, from the sale of goods or property, or as profit from investments” (American Heritage dictionary 431).  The definition of “inequality is the condition of being unequal,  social or economic disparity  lack of regularity; unevenness, and a mathematical statement that two quantities are not equal”( American Heritage dictionary 436).  Elizabeth Gudrais the writer of Unequal America<<<QUOTATION MARKS points out that “The United States is becoming even more unequal as income becomes concentrated among the most affluent Americans.  Income inequality has been rising since the late 1970’s, and now rest at a level not seen since the Gilded Age- roughly 1870 -1900, a period in US history defined by the contrast between the excess of the super rich and the squalor of the poor”(Gudrias 23).

Example 3

What is income inequality? Income inequality is defined as the extent to which income, most frequently measured by household or individual, is distributed in an uneven manner.<<<CITE SOURCE – TAKEN FROM WIKIPEDIA – PLAGIARISM. AND WIKIPEDIA IS NOT CONSIDERED AN ACADEMIC SOURCE. Some of the causes of income inequality are differences in ability, education and training, discrimination, tastes, and risks. Statistics from the United States Department of Commerce and Internal Revenue Service indicate that income inequality has been increasing since the 1970s, whereas it had been declining during the mid 20th century. <<<CITE SOURCES? In the United States the increasing gap between the top 30% and the bottom 70% of society is attributed to the large increase of single parent households, the increase in two-earner households in the top two quintiles, as well as the growing number of hours worked in the higher quintiles compared to that of the bottom quintiles. <<<CITE SOURCES There are mixed opinions as to which the degree of income inequality is needed here in the United States; some argue that income inequality is good for the U.S. and some argue it is bad.

Example 4

There is a rich man at the top of a ladder making his way up even higher. At the same time a poor man is barley<<SP at the bottom of the ladder attempting to catch up to the rich man. But no matter how fast this poor man climbs he just cannot seem to reach an equilibrium with the rich man because he<<WHO'S THIS HE? MAYBE GIVE THEM CLEVER NAMES TO DISTINGUISH? keeps climbing higher and higher making it almost impossible for the poor man to catch up. As much as this poor man tries to become at an equal level with the rich man, he wont<<SP, because there is a gap in between them that will always exist. This “gap” represents present day income inequality that exists in America. Income inequality is the difference of income between the wealthiest Americans and the rest of the citizens<<NOT EXACTLY -- IT'S THE GROWING DIFFERENCE. According to Nicholas D. Kristof, of the New York Times<<ITALICS, “The 400 wealthiest Americans have a greater combined net worth than the bottom 150 million Americans.” <<NOT SURE IF THIS STAT REALLY SHOWS THE DIFFERENCE This is what divides a first class from a low class; it is an unequal distribution of household income. In other words, on this “ladder of income” the rich will always be at the top and the poor at the bottom attempting to climb up. There is also a broad gap in the income ladder between the rich and poor and this is income inequality.

Example 5

Income inequality is the ever increasing gap of income between the classes. As the rich become richer at an accelerated rate, the poor and middle class watch their income remain constant or even digress<<FALL BEHIND. Income inequality has been growing since the 70’s, as quoted in Comparing the Tippy Tops <<NEED AUTHOR'S NAME OR WHERE ESSAY APPEARED. ITALICS FOR BOOKS AND MAGAZINE/NEWSPAPER TITLES: "QUOTATION MARKS" FOR ESSAYS AND OTHER, SHORTER WORKS.“The top one percent of earners more than doubled their share of income between 1976 and 2007, from nine to 24 percent. (To be in the top one percent in 2007, a family had to bring in more than $398,900.)” Income inequality affects 90% of the population, while the top 10% live oblivious to the facts.

#2 Introduction, Definition, and Thesis

Remember that introductions serve two purposes: 1) get the reader interested in the topic; and 2) start reader thinking about your topic.

The key here is to choose a particular pattern/approach and work it out: don't wander in your introduction.

Some organizational methods for introductions include:

• Compare and contrast
• Connect your topic with a current event
• Use a then and now comparison or contrast
• Narrative: tell an illustrative story (personal or from a source)
• Historical events: connect your topic to a historical event
• Analogy: as we learned with essay #1, make an analogy: a comparison to another idea to: for instance, many economists use a ladder metaphor to describe income inequality; example #3 uses a "pie" as a metaphor -- she works in this idea throughout her essay.
• Asking a series of questions
• Opening with an arresting fact or quotation

Example #1

Income Inequality and Its Effects

Growing up, my father worked in his family's business<<<NAME THIS BUSINESS, one that had been established by his grandfather and passed down to his father, then onto him. My brothers and I would work in the store when we were old enough. Unfortunately with the changing times, my father was forced to close the store and took a job at a low rate of pay working for the City of New York, <<<NO COMMA to support our family. My brother's did the same, as did many of our neighbors. One day we realized that we were living near the low end of the income spectrum.

The income divide that my family experienced is not new to America. <<<NICE TRANSITION Income inequality has been an issue since before the Great Depression. "Unemployment rates, which had wavered at about 3 percent before October 1929, rose to 9 percent by early in 1930. And in the next two years, this rise continued to a crippling 25 percent" (Nardo). In today's economy, "Poor and middle-class Americans are working longer hours, experiencing greater economic insecurity" (Moyers).

Income inequality is bad for America resulting in a lack of education, poor health among the impoverished, and increased crime rates across the nation. <<<V. CLEAR THESIS AND DIVISIONS

Example #2

Income Inequality: Destructive to the Health, Upward Mobility and Voice of Average Americans

The income gap between the rich and the poor has been growing by bounds in recent years and has reached an all time high, leaving the United States with "the worst inequality among all Western nations" (Moyers). Those who are rich are only getting richer and those who are poor seem to be stuck at the bottom with little hope of climbing upwards. Charles Morris shares in an article for Opposing Viewpoints that the richest one percent of the United States population now owns a third of the nation's wealth, and the top five percent owns about 58 percent of the wealth. This "represents the densest concentration of wealth since the peak of American wealth inequality, which was in 1929, a not entirely reassuring precedent." His point is that it is not a coincidence that a substantial income inequality, a stock market crash and the Great Depression all happened in 1929.<<<GOOD JOB OF SETTING OUT THE PARAMETERS OF THE INEQUALITY It may indicate where the country is heading yet again. What is more threatening is >>>that clear<<<NEEDED? that the success of the rich is not trickling down to the middle and lower classes, and Americans need to take care of each other for the sake of the future development of the nation. The rapidly expanding income inequality is harming countless Americans by negatively affecting their physical and mental health, preventing the upward mobility of citizens, and giving an extreme amount of economic, political and social power to the super wealthy. And when they have the power, the gap only expands further, resulting in a vicious cycle.

Example #3

Everybody wants a slice of the American pie, but the rich have the largest slice while the poor just get crumbs. In fact, since the 1970‘s the gap between the rich and poor has grown significantly. Elizabeth Gudrais, writer of “Unequal America” writes, “Income inequality has been rising since the late 1970s, and now rests at a level not seen since the Gilded Age[…] a period in history defined by the contrast between the excess of the super-rich and the squalor of the poor” (23). This large gap between the rich and not-so-rich is causing income inequality to have a negative impact on many hard working Americans. Major concerns that have arisen from income inequality include improper health care, inadequate education for lower classes, and the immobility from one social class to another.

Organization

Often, your rough draft thesis and topic sentence needs some tweaking: consider the examples below.

Rough Draft Thesis
This economic inequality is bad for America because it can negatively effect health, cripple education and contribute to crime.

Revised Thesis
This economic inequality hurts Americans because it can lead to illness, cripple education and spawn an epidemic of crime.

Original Topic Sentences
Income inequality is bad for America because it can negatively effects health.
Income inequality is bad for America because it cripples education.
Income inequality can contribute to crime.

Revised Topic Sentences
Illness and income inequality are too often connected in America.
In addition to harming America’s health, income inequality can cripple education.
While this inequality weakens education, it has an opposite effect on crime.

Note that the revised thesis stresses the illness metaphor -- which could make an ideal analogy for an introduction. Note also the transition in the second topic sentence: repetition again.

#3 Making Arguments

One challenge when writing an argument is deciding how to organize the information in your division. A solution is to use a two part strategy: connect and explain.

1) quote from readings to prove the connection of your thesis to your division. Thus if you're writing about income equality and one of your divisions is education, you need to prove that there is a connection between education and income; if you're writing about single-payer insurance, and one of your divisions is on comprehensive coverage, you need to prove that single payer plan will provide comprehensive coverage.

2) Don't stop there: you need to include your argument. Explain to reader why your division will have a negative or positive effect. For instance, once you show that there is a connection between low income and falling education levels, you'll have to add a paragraph or two (or three) on the ramifications of this: what's the problem with falling education levels (see "How Do I Come Up/Explain With Reasons?" I&C)

Student Example

Part 1) First topic sentence, then connect to your stance

Think of the connection noted above this way: You need to show that ______ (fill in with subject of essay) supports _________ (fill in with division you're working on) by using a quote or summary from the readings that illustrates this support.

Part 2) Then explain why/how that division is good for all Americans. One tip is to consider division from a health/social/safety/economic/freedom/etc. perspective -- see I&C under "How do I come up/explain reasons?" for a list of relevant questions.

This two part approach makes for more complete coverage and provides a "place" to include for your research and thinking. The blanks here show that the writer, even when working on their rough draft, was thinking of research. And note that while the subject of the essay is civic stances/liberalism, the research is focused on the division. You'll probably be doing something similar -- focusing your research on the division instead of the subject (keep this in mind when you search).

Example for Income Inequality

Argumentative Discourse

In essay #1, the emphasis was on keeping your opinion out. Here, the emphasis is on putting your opinion in. To shift your language into an argumentative discourse, try the sentence starters below.

Another way of keeping the readers focused on your argument is to use repetition of key words (within reason, of course) or synonyms within the paragraph to keep readers focused on the topic of that paragraph. Think of them as a friendly nudge on the shoulder of the reader that says "Hey you, this is my point -- stop thinking about what you'll have for lunch tomorrow and pay attention"

Continue to work on providing specific examples – a word picture, a description of an interaction – in each paragraph or for each idea. This will help the reader "see" what you’re talking about, and thus make your essay more persuasive. Instead of trying to revise your essay all at once, use the writing process. Work on one body paragraph at a time, strengthening your argument by using "show and tell." As I’ve been mentioning, remember to use "real life" examples – and then connect them with transition words or by repetition to the focus of your paragraph and the readings. This is when the newspaper and magazine articles you’ve been collecting will come into play.

In the following example, notice how Kim contrasts a specific example of a weak government in a foreign nation with an example of a strong government in America:

• Decide which division you'll be adding an example paragraph to.
• Pick out information/evidence that focuses on an individual (newspaper articles are often the best).  This could be personal, or taken from the readings
• Right after your initial paragraph on your division, start a new "example" paragraph with a transition sentence
              One way this ______ (division term) directly effects people is ____.
• In this new paragraph, tell a story which illustrates the point you made in the previous paragraph.
• At end of paragraph, tie back to division and be sure to clarify why/how the examples shows your division is good or bad.

Subdivision

In longer essays, such as this one, writers often need to subdivide a division, taking one idea and breaking it down into more narrow topics to add detail.

Generally, you would restate the broader division in your topic sentence, then list the more narrow sub-topics. Each sub topic usually is covered with a separate paragraph/s.

Consider the examples below.

Thesis:
This economic inequality is bad for America because it can lead to social problems, inhibit social mobility, and cripple the overall economy.

Topic sentence and subdivision sentence:
One major problem with income inequality is that it leads to a host of social ills.  These problems include health, education and crime.

Paragraphs that develop a topic over two paragraphs.

Example #1

Thesis
This economic inequality hurts Americans because it can lead to illness, cripple education and spawn an epidemic of crime.

Paragraphs
Illness and income inequality are too often connected in America.  Having access to adequate health care means having health insurance, but only 40 percent of American workers making less then $20,000 a year are insured through their employers (Greenblatt 387).  Alan Greenblatt reports that since 2001 all states have cut Medicaid, a subsidized health insurance for low income families, either by reducing the amounts paid to physicians or putting new limits on eligibility (387). Poverty contributes to high rates of obesity, injury, asthma, and premature death.  How can we have people who live in a country, that states all are created equal, and yet have no access to good health care because they are considered to be poor?

This inequality does not stop with the poverty stricken.  It is also affecting those who make over $75,000 a year.

Example #2

Thesis
Major concerns that have arisen from income inequality include improper health care, inadequate education for lower classes, and the immobility from one social class to another.

Body Paragraphs
The rich have many advantages over other citizens, but that should not include health care. Elizabeth Gudrais explains that “poor health is not distributed evenly across the population, but concentrated among the disadvantaged” (22). With many Americans out of work, it is nearly impossible for them to sustain proper health care. Since medical expenses constantly rising, many are choosing to give up their health care so they can have the means for food and a place to live. With so many struggling financially, people can’t risk losing a day of pay just so they can go to the doctor. Thomas J. Billitteri, who has 30 years experience covering business, nonprofit institutions and public policy, writes of a “study [which] found among adults earning $40,000 to $60,000, the proportion of adults spending 10 percent or more of their income on health care doubled between 2001 and 2007, from 18 percent to 36 percent” (207). Taking ten percent from a person’s income is often more than most people can spare. Ten percent of a wealthy persons income will not be significant, but it is for a family struggling to keep their heads above water. Not only is the expense of health care a problem, but for many the struggle to keep a house, a job, and provide for their family can lead to serious health issues.

Because the poor are constantly worrying about losing their jobs and paying their bills they experience more health problems than the wealthy. As Elizabeth Gudrais writes, “The poor are more likely to develop illnesses such as diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, and cancer and there is evidence that relative deprivation and the stress it engender are involved” (23). Most of these illnesses are related to stress and improper health management.  With all the stress of living paycheck to paycheck, trying to make sure the bills are up to date, and hoping to have enough money to cover the mortgage, it is easy to see how some of these individuals are without the time or the money to get the proper health care they need. It is in the best interest of the wealthy to keep their employees in good health, since they run the factories and produce the products. If these workers are not in good health, it will only impact the production of these companies and will eventually effect the rich.

Americans “at the 95th income percentile or higher can expect to live nine years longer than those at the 10th percentile or lower” (Gudrais 23). By comparing the lifestyles between the rich and not-so-rich it is evident that you do have to be rich to live a longer and healthier life. Janny Scott, a writer for The New York Times, did just that. She wrote about three people who all suffered from a heart attack and recovered differently because of their financial status.

Paragraph continue with examples from each person.

Example #3

Thesis
The super rich and their corporations have shirked their civic responsibility by obfuscating their tax burden, seized political power with their purses, and trampled American workers in their pursuit of cheep labor.

Body Paragraph
How can such absurdities come about? We are witnessing, “government for the few at the expense of the many.” So laments Time Magazine investigative journalists, Donald Bartlett and James Steele (qtd. in Moyers). While in a democracy each person’s vote is supposed to count equally, in reality the rich control politics through their lavish campaign donations. Political candidates rely on donations to finance their election campaigns. Therefore, candidates turn to the deep pockets of the wealthy promising in turn to promote their agendas. By election time, the only candidates still in the game are those “who’ve shaped their campaign to maximize fundraising[ . . . ]” (Gundrais). In Harvard Magazine, Elizabeth Gundrais asserts that all the final candidates in an election support the interests of corporations and the rich, the poor man’s candidates having long before dropped out of the race for lack of funding. With the remaining candidates representing platforms of the rich, the issues concerning the working class are not addressed by the political parties, or if they are, it is all a show. Moyers calls the so called debates in Washington a “cynical charade.” Gundrais cites studies which corroborate that income inequality results in decreased voter turnout especially among the poor. Moyers explains the lack of voter motivation among working families; “they no longer believe they matter to the people running the country.” Utterly disillusioned in the democratic process, the lower class doesn’t bother to vote.

With their man firmly installed in Washington, the wealthy control politics with their purses by lobbying for policies favorable to their interests. For example, the “current attacks on Social Security” (Morris) reveal the machinations resulting from the undue influence of rich corporations in politics to the detriment of the rest of society. In 1983 Congress instituted steep payroll hikes for Social Security, creating “an interest bearing surplus” (Morris) which was to be saved for when the baby boomers would begin to retire en masse. Instead, the government has borrowed against the surplus intending to repay the bonds to the Social Security trust fund when receipts from income taxes would fall short of annual retirement payments. However, since the government has been cutting taxes to the rich, a large deficit is accruing. So when the time comes for Social Security to call in those bonds, guess where the money will have to come from? According to Morris, when that time comes there will be only two options; print new money and “inflate away the value of the benefits; or renege on Social Securities promises.” Furthermore, Federal Reserve Chairman, Alan Greenspan, has called for Social Security benefit cuts and he supports privatizing Social Security. So after raising taxes, spending the money and racking up a huge deficit which will make it impossible to repay the Social Security trust fund, the government now wants to hand Social Security over to their “friends on Wall Street” (Morris) so they can invest the money for their own gain.

In another ludicrous instance of what the Commonwealth Foundation terms “the excesses of private power” (qtd. in Moyers), President Bush insisted on “outlawing Medicare from negotiating better pharmaceutical prices for its enrollees” (Morris 5). This is unconscionable!<<AVOID EXCLAMATION POINTS IN FORMAL ESSAYS The administration forbade Medicare from pursuing price reductions on prescription medications, which would insure that millions of seniors will be able to afford needed medications, choosing instead to worry about the profits of the pharmaceutical companies.<<<WORK THIS INTO A PARAGRAPH AS AN EXAMPLE – IT STICKS OUT A BIT HERE.  REMEMBER THAT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO TAKE VERY GOOD INFO AND NOT USE IT BECAUSE IT JUST DOESN’T FIT.

When you define a division in your body paragraph, use words that you can then repeat in your argument.

Topic Sentence and Definition

Thesis

Topic Sentence and Definition

Note the transition here: the writer references the two the previous two divisions before introducing the third. The definition here quickly provides reader with the "what" and connects it to the myth of the American dream.

Counter Argument

Remember that a counter argument consists of two parts: the argument against your position (the counter argument) and the rebuttal.

For longer essays such as this, you often include more than one counter argument and sometimes work them into your body paragraphs.

Example #1

Christopher J. Coyne, of George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia, a supporter of income inequality, claims that “if people are not allowed to keep the fruits of their labor, they lose the motivation to innovate and specialize and create goods that benefit the economy and society.” In addition, former philosophy professor at the State University of New York at Albany, John Kekes, suggests that “people deserve what they have and [ . . . ] they are responsible for what they lack.” These people insist that a person reaps rewards commensurate with his efforts and that any attempts at redistribution will destroy motivation and result in a shriveling up of all effort. It is their view that a poor person must be lazy and has himself alone to blame for his circumstances. Likewise, a rich person must work hard and as such he deserves to keep his money, otherwise he will lose his incentive and he will stop working hard.

First of all, suggesting that there is no middle ground between the present state of extreme income inequality and total egalitarianism is a transparent attempt at setting up a straw man in order to knock it down.<<<GLAD YOU RAISED THIS POINT  Let’s be honest. There is a wide spectrum between ruthless capitalism ala Rockefeller and complete equality otherwise known as socialism<<<ACTUALLY COMMUNISM.  IN SOCIALIST COUNTRIES (NORWAY, ETC.) THERE IS STILL SOME INCOME DIFFERENCE. The solution is neither of these extremes, but a middle of the road approach which restores an equal chance for success for everybody. Coyne pontificates further, “It is the fluidity and mobility that make the American economy dynamic and innovative.” He unwittingly strengthens the opposing argument. Contrary to his claim that income inequality promotes mobility, the opposite is true; income inequality squelches mobility. <<<GOOD IDEA – WORK ON WORDING TO MAKE THIS REALLY SHARP  AS MORRIS NOTES, “The children of the poor tend to stay poor while the children of the rich tend to stay rich [ . . . ]”  (Morris). MORE BROADLY, Numerous researchers confirm that there is no “positive correlation” between income inequality and mobility but rather they found the opposite. The Brookings Institute concludes that the United States does not have higher “intergenerational mobility” than other “developed democracies.” Rather Sweden, Norway, and Denmark all have markedly elevated mobility while at the same time low inequality (qtd. in Gundrais). If low inequality were truly the measure of economic mobility, then the rich in these Scandinavian countries should stay rich and the poor stay poor. The reverse is proven true. <<<GREAT EXAMPLE.

Counter argument and conclusion.

Some, like Christopher Coyne, see no problem with income inequality. In fact, they see it as necessary. He argues “Attempts at imposed equality destroy individuality.” Yet I saw income inequality destroy my mother’s “individuality” when she came home from working one of three jobs and had to plead with the electric company to give her another week to pay the bill while the 17 year olds I went to school with were driving around in brand new BMW’s. The American dream is to work hard and reap the benefits but this obviously is not how our country works. By no means do I believe that a person who sits around and does nothing should receive the same amount of money as someone who works 40-hours a week. Yet I do not feel a single parent who spends most of every day working and away from her child should not have to struggle so hard just because she wasn't born into wealth. Income inequality does not make a person unique; it takes the glory out of what this country claims to be: a place where hard work will result in success.

If you take a ride through the area I grew up in you will find people from different economical backgrounds. There are families living in hotel rooms, apartments, modest ranches, and multi-million dollar homes all in the same town. Some are having four course meals prepared for them and their homes cleaned by maid services while others are employed by a maid service and wonder how they are going to get the money to put dinner on the table. This example shows just how unbalanced our country is right now. Jacob Hacker, a political scientist at the University of California, Berkeley and a leading social policy expert affirms, “A very small proportion of the population is getting fabulously rich, and the rest of Americans are getting modestly richer or not much richer at all” (qtd. in Billitteri 203). Yet a more equal society would mean a better country for everyone, not just the fortunate people who were born into money. This is what I believe we should all strive for to create a better future for American people.

Example #3

Some people disagree that income inequality does not promote mobility. In fact, some individuals believe that income mobility is a catalyst for those in lower income brackets. Christopher J. Coyne, a James M. Buchanan Fellow at George Mason University in Virginia, writes, “If all individuals are making exactly the same income no matter what their effort, what would be man’s motivation to act?” However, seeing what is out of reach does not always motivate someone to do more. In some cases people are motivated to go out and get a job, but they are not hired because they do not look like a million bucks. Someone who shows up to an interview in a brand new suit will be more likely to be hired for the job as opposed to someone who can only afford a cheap suit. Robert H. Frank explains, “you need a decent suit to go for a job interview. You can buy the cheap suit, but you won’t get the call-back” (qtd. Gudrais 208). Isn’t the point of going on the job interview to make more money so a person can afford the more expensive suit? Many people have to make a choice to provide food for their families or to spend a hundred dollars or more to go on an interview. The wealthy have no problem purchasing food and buying the suit, but for people who have less income or even perhaps no current income, they have to make a decide between food or a suit. Nancy Krieger, a Professor of Society, Human Development, and Health at Harvard School of Public Health, explains “wearing old clothes to a job interview might be interpreted as a sign of not taking the interview seriously” (Gudrais 28). How can trying to compete with others who are already ahead be a tool of motivation? Instead this can be more harmful to a person’s self esteem and make an individual less motivated to try to achieve higher paying jobs.

When an individual is born with a small piece of pie it is common that their piece will never become larger. Part of the reason for this is a lack of social mobility. Unfortunately, whatever economic class a person is born into is the class that individual will most likely stay.  In fact, as New York Times writer reporter David Leonhardt notes, people have “stopped rising” into a higher class.

From the time a person is born it is already predetermined that they will never succeed their parents when it comes to their economic class. Leonhardt further writes, “A nation that believes that everyone should have a fair shake finds itself with a kind of inherited meritocracy.” The wealthy have the means to employ their children into their companies, and provide them with high paying jobs, while others who are coming from a lower class family have to struggle to even get their foot in the door of these companies. These individuals coming from lower classes can be more qualified for these higher paid positions, but  the children of the owners of these companies get the advantage by automatically getting the job. Charles R. Morris, author of “American Catholic” and “Money, Greed, and Risk,” writes, “The children of the poor now disproportionately stay poor, […] while the children of the rich disproportionately stay rich, again to an extent that can’t be explained by their talents or IQs”. When a person is wealthy he or she is most likely going to stay wealthy, but the poor who are starting off with a disadvantage, will have little hope of ever having a larger chunk of the pie. 

Conclusion

Conclusions often stump writers. Too often, students revert to the ole' "repeat the thesis."

Yawn.

How about the following instead?

• In general, ask yourself the question "what's it all mean?"
• Make reference back to an idea in your introduction
• If you've been writing about problems, offer a quick solution or two
• Look long range: what will occur in the future?
• Pose questions
• Connect ideas in essay to the "real world"
• Explain the implications of your argument/position

Proofreading

Setting Up Quotes

Remember that quotes need to be set up by providing a context -- setting up for the reader how the quote fits into your argument and why you are using it.

Consider the following sentences

As written, the "bus" quote refers back to the time of the Emancipation Proclamation -- 1863 -- which of course is incorrect. And who wrote this sentence?

With this in mind, it's time to tidy up your citations: be sure to introduce each quote with an introductory phrase, and be sure to accurately cite your source, whether you use quotations, summaries, or paraphrases. If citing the introductory material before the essays, be sure to let the reader know who is speaking -- and where you got the information from. In particular, you'll need to use "qtd. in" (an abbreviation for quoted in) in your parenthetical citation (count the "in"s in this sentence). This phrase lets the reader know that while you're quoting from a particular person, that person is not included in your works cited sheet. An example will make this clearer.

Consider the following sentences.

Example #1

Before Proofreading #1
When an individual is born with a small piece of pie it is common that their piece will never become larger. According to David Leonhardt, a writer for The New York Times, “Economic mobility-moving from one income gap to another over the course of a lifetime-has stopped rising.”

After Proofreading #1
People are usually stuck with the piece of pie they are born with. Part of the reason for this is a lack of social mobility. Unfortunately, whichever economic class a person is born into is the class that individual will most likely remain.  In fact, as New York Times writer reporter David Leonhardt notes, people have “stopped rising” into a higher class.

Clarity -- Deletion -- self test

Before Proofreading

However, in a new study towards today's men it finds that, "this number has dropped to only 10 percent" that are breaking away from their father's social class (Krugman 466)

After Proofreading

What can you come up with?

Example #2

Before Proofreading
Political inequality is another negative effect of income inequality. It might seem reasonable to discredit this statement because every American citizen is given an equal chance to vote and participate in the political process. Research shows that

that voter turnout is low, particularly at the low end of the income spectrum, in societies with high inequality. Again this is counter intuitive: in unequal places, poor people unhappy with government policies might be expected to turn out en masse to vote, but instead they stay home (Gudrais).

This is most likely a result of candidates focusing on issues that are more important to the wealthy in order to get campaign contributions. If the only issues being presented by political candidates don’t apply to the lower or middle class people, then there is no reason for them to be interested in participating in the political process. Why would people to vote for candidates who do not adequately represent policies that would help them or give them better opportunities? Paul Krugman believes that

since 1980 in particular, U. S. government policies have consistently favored the wealthy at the expense of working families -- and under current administration, that favoritism has become extreme and relentless. From tax cuts that favor the rich to bankruptcy “reform” that punishes the unlucky, almost every domestic policy seems intended to accelerate our march back to the robber baron era (A: 21).

At some point, being kept down and not helped up out of lower income brackets will discourage people from trusting that the government cares about their state of being or is ever going to help.

After Proofreading

Political inequality is another negative effect of income inequality. While every American citizen is given an equal chance to vote and participate in the political process, the numbers show that where there is greater income inequality there are also greater disparities in political participation. Gudrais notes that research

has shown that voter turnout is low, particularly at the low end of the income spectrum, in societies with high inequality. Again this is counter intuitive: in unequal places, poor people unhappy with government policies might be expected to turn out en masse to vote, but instead they stay home.

The problem is that candidates focus on issues that are more important to the wealthy in order to get campaign contributions. Because people in lower to middle income brackets cannot afford to contribute to politicians who support policies that would benefit them, “by the time the election comes around, the only candidates left in the race are those who’ve shaped their platforms to maximize fundraising” (Gudrais). If the candidates only talk about cutting the taxes on the wealth or repealing the estate tax, then there is no reason for those who are not wealthy and do not have estates to participate in the political process. Paul Krugman, Princeton economist and columnist for The New York Times, cites government laws and policies favoring the wealthy as a reason that lower to middle class people do not actively participate in politics (A: 21). He believes that “since 1980 in particular, U. S. government policies have consistently favored the wealthy at the expense of working families” (A: 21). At some point, being kept down and not helped up out of lower income brackets leads to voter distrust in the government. And those on the lower end of the spectrum see no reason to continue to participate in or pay attention to a political system that doesn’t pertain to them.

Repetition

As we discussed with essay #1, a key part of maintaining cohesion (the "flow") in a paragraph is to refer back to the previous sentence: look back and then move forward in the sentence. Note how in the revised example below, the writer does a much better job of using repetition to maintain cohesion.

Before Proofreading #2
Income inequality negatively effects the health of the poor.  For example, the poor tend to “get sicker and die sooner than the rich” (Gudrais 22).  Due to lack of income, “the poor are more likely to develop illnesses such as diabetes, hypertension, heart disease and cancer” (23).  Most cannot afford health care, thus, they are not able to take the preventative measures to care for their bodies.  If the poor were able to afford to get routine check-ups from a doctor, possibly some illnesses could either be prevented or detected early. High stress levels are also caused by the inequality of income.

After Proofreading #2 - Note the use of repetition from sentence to sentence
Income inequality has taken its toll, physically and mentally, on the health of the poor.  Money matters when it comes to physical health. The result? As Elizabeth Gudrais of Harvard Magazine reports, “the poor are more likely to develop illnesses such as diabetes, hypertension, [and] heart disease” (23). Because of their low income, most cannot afford health care, thus, they are not able to take the preventative measures to care for their bodies.  If the poor were able use insurance or pay out of pocket for routine check-ups from a doctor, illnesses such as those listed above could either be prevented or detected before they cause permanent damage. This is one reason that, as Gudrais notes, the poor tend to “get sicker and die sooner than the rich” (22). Unfortunately, before they die, they may suffer the added burden of mental health problems. These burdens can be traced back to income inequality because the lowered "self-esteem" it fosters in the middle-class and poor can lead to increased stress (Sargent 1109).

© 2011 David Bordelon