Essay 3 Revision

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Dr. Bordelon's English I On-Campus

Planning and Revision Suggestions Essay #3

Organization

Check wording of divisions (do you need to reword for clarity? Change a division)
Check order of paragraphs (follow list set out in your divisions)
Check for repetition of key/division words in topic (remember you can use synonyms as well, particularly for additional paragraphs on the same division)
Check for clear topic sentence: include both argument/thesis and division in the sentence (see below)
Check for subdivisions (Can you break down a division into two separate ideas? See below)

Example subdivision topic sentence

Original

The significant numbers of lives and money that the U.S. has contributed to this dispute has become overwhelmingly damaging to the American society

Revised

The high cost of the war in both lives and money is damaging American society.

Less is often more with topic sentences: go for clarity and concision and save the artfully worded phrase for your body paragraph. For this division, the writer would develop the rest of this paragraph on lives and then a new paragraph on money.

Defining Your Topic

Unlike essay two on the death penalty, readers will probably need more information to fully understand your subject. This information should supply the background information necessary to understand the topic: when brainstorming for this, think of the following questions (which should sound familiar from essay one)

Who: Who is involved? Who (individual, group, country) is in "charge" or responsible? What kinds of people (citizens, working class, middle class, serviceman, bond traders, etc.) are effected by this issue? More broadly, which countries/cultures are effected by this issue.
What: What are you talking about? Is there a defining event or incident (accident, news story, specific example) that explains or defines it? Is it primarily an economic, social, political, legal, or moral issue -- or does it touch on all of these points? Think in numbers as well -- what numerical figures are important (cost, size, etc.)?
When: When did the issue begin? When did specific events occur? When does it end or is predicted to end?
Where: Where did the issue begin? Where did certain events take place? What role does geography play in this issue -- which countries/areas/towns have a stake in this?
Why: Why is this issue important to individuals? Areas? Countries?
How: How did this event begin? How is it predicted to end? How has it developed -- did it start full blown or slowly build up?

While you shouldn't mechanically list your answers to these questions, having this information "at your fingertips" in your notes will make it easier to answer potential questions from your readers.

Selected parts of this information should be formed into a paragraph or two that will explain your argument. The first paragraphs of the Overview essays or CQResearcher essays offer a model for this.

Student Examples
Robyn provided the following definition paragraph for her essay on American health care:

Patricia Kennedy, in her Points of View article, "Health Insurance: An Overview," defines what health insurance in the United States is. She defines it as "provid[ing] benefits for covered sicknesses, injury or preventative health measures." There are two options for healthcare coverage in the America: private and government-sponsored. Kennedy explains for private healthcare, individuals and businesses are required to pay a monthly premium in exchange for reduced-price medical services. For government-sponsored healthcare, there are Medicaid, Medicare, along with the State Children's Health Insurance Program, which"is administered by most states and provides medical care for low-income eligible individuals" (Kennedy). The caveat of these established government-sponsored programs is two-fold. First "within the next decade, more Americans will be eligible for Medicare than at any other time in the history of the United States" (Kennedy). The second is that not everyone is eligible for these programs. A gap is created between those eligible for these programs and private healthcare.

This gap is at the heart of today's healthcare reform discussions. One reform being introduced is the single-payer system. Under this system,

taxpayers and employers pay into a national healthcare fund, and money from that fund is used to pay for every citizen's primary care, hospitalization and, in most cases, prescriptions. The fund compensates medical providers and hospitals and pays for medical technology, including, typically, a shared electronic health-record database. Coverage may or may not require patient copayments. (Rhea)

Opponents to this system site cost as a deterrent. They say that it would cost too much to provide insurance for everyone. I say it costs too much not to. Not only would the single-payer system ensure everyone was covered; it would cost each individual less, and it would be less of a burden on the country's resources.

On the same topic, Jennie wrote the following definition paragraph: my suggestions are in ALL CAPS.

At any given moment you can turn to the people in the room you are in and take a poll of who is happy with America's healthcare system. With the many different reforms being proposed, it is hard for citizens to really understand what is being offered currently, and more importantly what is not being offered. First off, let's understand what our current health plan in the United States is; only certain groups are covered by the government, while the rest are left to fend for themselves. Citizens who are aged 65 years or older and a few younger disabled adults are entitled to Medicare, which is a federal funded insurance program. Low income citizens are eligible for Medicaid, a government funded health care system available in most states. Patricia Kennedy<<<WHO'S SHE states that "This plan was implemented when the cost of private insurance and medical services became unaffordable to many low-income Americans" (Kennedy)<<<LAST NAME NOT NEEDED B/C YOU CORRECTLY INCLUDED NAME IN SENTENCE. So the extremely low income citizens and the elderly are covered, which leaves the rest of the citizens to cover themselves. Some employers offer Health insurance for a decent deductible<<<HOW MANY?, still though after paying the deductible, co-pays are still expected at the time of almost all appointments and treatments. Some businesses such as small businesses do not offer health insurance plans at all. All of this leaves us with the citizens who are not 65 years or older, are not low income, and whose employer does not offer health insurance. To receive health care on an individual plan is extremely costly<<<WHAT'S AN AVERAGE RATE?, and if a person is working for a company who does not offer it, the chances are they can not afford it. So the people with no coverage at all, are left to pay the hundreds and thousands of medical expenses out of pocket. It's clear that the United States should reform to a single payer health care system because it will distribute health care equally; prepare the country better for a catastrophe, and lower mortality and disease rates.

Note here how the more specific information asked for would clarify and set out the issue in more detail.

Defining a Division in Your Body Paragraph

When you define a division in your body paragraph, use words that you can then repeat in your argument.

Thesis

The causes of the financial crisis include deregulation, mortgage lenders taking advantage of consumers, and misuse of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

Topic Sentence and Definition

Another part of the crisis included a misuse of mortgage funds from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. These two companies are "government sponsored enterprises" set up to provide mortgages for low to middle income home buyers (Flynn). Backed by the government, loans from these two corporations were considered a safe investment for banks and other financial institutions (Flynn).

Here the writer quickly explains the "what" and "who" (government sponsored) regarding"Mae" and "Mac."

Thesis

The problems with income inequality include poor health, lower education levels, and lack of social mobility.

Topic Sentence and Definition

In addition to health and education problems, income inequality hinders social mobility. Central to the American dream is the idea that if you work hard and live wisely, you will prosper and rise up through society. This ability to advance in society is called social mobility.

Note the transition here: the writer references the two the previous two divisions before introducing the third. The definition here quickly provides reader with the "what" and connects it to the myth of the American dream.

Two Part Organization for Argument

One challenge when writing an argument is deciding how to organize the information in your division. A solution is to use a two part strategy: connect and explain.

1) quote from readings to prove the connection of your thesis to your division. Thus if you're writing about income equality and one of your divisions is education, you need to prove that there is a connection between education and income; if you're writing about single-payer insurance, and one of your divisions is on comprehensive coverage, you need to prove that single payer plan will provide comprehensive coverage.

2) Don't stop there: you need to include your argument. Explain to reader why your division will have a negative or positive effect. For instance, once you show that there is a connection between low income and falling education levels, you'll have to add a paragraph or two (or three) on the ramifications of this: what's the problem with falling education levels (see "How Do I Come Up/Explain With Reasons?" I&C

Student Example

Part 1) First topic sentence, then connect to your stance

Another reason liberalism is the best stance for America is their view on environmental regulations. Roger Rosenblatt argues that in the 1990s a liberal government helped pass the Clean Air Act Amendments which "will reduce the country's air pollution by more than 49 billion pounds per year" (256).

Think of the connection noted above this way: You need to show that ______ (fill in with subject of essay) supports _________ (fill in with division you're working on) by using a quote or summary from the readings that illustrates this support.

Part 2) Then explain why/how that division is good for all Americans. One tip is to consider division from a health/social/safety/economic/freedom/etc. perspective -- see I&C under "How do I come up/explain reasons?" for a list of relevant questions.

Since air pollution is a primary cause of asthma and other respiratory problems, eliminating forty nine billion pounds a year will reduce the number of respiratory attacks, making ____ (find number of asthma and respiratory sufferers) of Americans breath easier. And of course if these people are not receiving medical care, which can cost ____ a year (find stat), then that money can be used to help prevent other attacks, or even lower health insurance for all Americans. While environmentalism is often categorized as a cause of "radicals" and "tree huggers," it's clear that the benefits of pursuing environmental regulations can affect everyone. Liberal support of such regulations can insure better health -- and more money -- for all.

This two part approach makes for more complete coverage and provides a "place" to include for your research and thinking. The blanks here show that the writer, even when working on their rough draft, was thinking of research. And note that while the subject of the essay is civic stances/liberalism, the research is focused on the division. You'll probably be doing something similar -- focusing your research on the division instead of the subject (keep this in mind when you search).

Counter Argument and Rebuttal

In essay two, the counter argument is often stuck on at the end; for this essay, you'll incorporate a counter argument where ever it seems necessary.

For the example below, the thesis was

I say it costs too much not to. Not only would the single-payer system ensure everyone was covered; it would cost each individual less, and it would be less of a burden on the country's resources.

One of her counter arguments -- and an extended rebuttal -- is below.

Even though a single-payer system would reduce costs, critics look to other nations with lower healthcare expenditures as an example of what can go wrong. One of the drawbacks to this system in other countries would be long wait times for care. In Canada, people "on average, […] wait nearly eighteen weeks to receive treatment by a specialist after the initial referral, more than eight weeks for magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), four weeks for computed tomography (CT) scans or ultrasounds, and four or more months for surgeries that are considered unessential, such as hip replacements. Procedures that are standard in the United States, including bypass surgery and transplants, are provided only after patients deal with numerous agencies and fill out copious amounts of paperwork" (Driscoll). These statistics alone make a bleak outlook for the single-payer system, but if Canada's system is so poor, how come their citizens like their health care more than Americans? In a 2003 poll, 52% of Canadians were satisfied with their health care system (Blizzard). In the same poll, 48% of Americans reported being satisfied with their health care system (Blizzard). The numbers show that even given the waiting times and paper work, Canadians are still more satisfied with their health care.

What works here is the detail she uses in her rebuttal: while a bit on heavy on the "fact" side, she effectively demonstrates that while there may be longer waits, at least people will receive health care.

Specific Examples

Readers love examples. Readers love stories. Hey, how about combining the two? Okay, let's.

Preventative care means to act ahead of, keep from occurring, just in case. Just in case? This had to be the question Emily, a 24 year-old graduate student, asked herself when a lump was discovered on her thigh. Her doctor wanted her to

get an MRI to find out whether it was cancerous. But Emily's student policy didn't cover the $2,000 procedure, so she skipped it. Several weeks later, during outpatient surgery to remove the lump, Emily's surgeon found a rare, invasive cancer underneath the benign lump -- with only a 20 to 40 percent survival rate. The skipped MRI could have detected the cancer much sooner, improving her chances for recovery. (Clemmitt 267)

Get an MRI "just in case" it is cancerous. This is what Emily heard when she weighed the cost of the procedure against her earnings. Do you believe Emily could have predicted the future? Should Americans have to weigh their prediction capabilities against their earnings? Most people think not, but should we even have to try? Should medical decisions be based on looking into a health future crystal ball? But since we cannot predict the future of our health, it is time we let a single payer health care system determine our health instead of a common glass globe. The sooner the country makes that switch, the sooner our preventative health care will improve -- and the sooner we will stop burying students like Emily.

The age of Emily helps here -- twenty four, an age when students think more about their futures than health insurance. The detail in the narrative helps as well as does the analogy of the crystal ball at the end. Note how the last paragraph takes the story of Emily and explains its ramifications in detail. You'll be pushing your explanations in a similar fashion in your own essays.

An effective example often involves telling a story about how _____ (your division) effects a person. Try choosing a division to focus on and then write a separate paragraph that tells a story illustrating this point.

Suggested steps

Decide which division you'll be adding an example paragraph to.
Pick out information/evidence that focuses on an individual (newspaper articles are often the best). This could be personal, or taken from the readings
Right after your initial paragraph on your division, start a new "example" paragraph with a transition sentence
One way this ______ (division term) directly effects people is ____.
In this new paragraph, tell a story which illustrates the point you made in the previous paragraph.
At end of paragraph, tie back to division and be sure to clarify why/how the examples shows your division is good or bad.

Analogies

A particularly effective way of adding detail is to make analogies; this involves finding a comparison with a given fact, event, or idea and connecting it to something more familiar to readers.

Thomas used three analogies in a paragraph describing some of the problems with the Iraq war.

One major problem with the Iraq war is the human cost. A life is irreplaceable. Unlike pieces of machinery that can be fixed and replaced, once a person has died, there is no repair or replacement. Unfortunately, many soldiers and civilians have been killed in Iraq. By early 2007, over three thousand coalition troops had been killed, and by October 2006, at least 655,000 Iraqi soldiers and civilians had been killed (Aliprandini and Ricks). Those people unfortunate enough to lose their lives to war include, fathers, sons, uncles, best friends, sisters, cousins and mothers. For an idea of the number of people this involves, the casualties would fill the New York Giants football stadium eight times over.

The opening analogy comparing a person to a machine is effective because it clearly shows that death is final. The second analogy, with the list of different categories of personal relationships appeals to our emotions: we all have people who fall into the categories and whose deaths would cause grief. The final analogy helps us comprehend a large number. I found this particularly effective, because if a number is over a thousand, it's difficult to really get a mental picture of its size. Filling a stadium eight times provides a picture of people filling in, vanishing, and being replaced -- eight times. Taken together, these analogies help flesh out the ideas and facts Thomas used in his argument.

Argumentative Discourse

In essay #1, the emphasis was on keeping your opinion out. Here, the emphasis is on putting your opinion in. To shift your language into an argumentative discourse, try the sentence starters below.

The problem with ___ is that _____.
This ______ helps/hurts society/America/people because __________.
The advantage/s disadvantage/s of ________ is/are _______.
If _____ continues then _________.
One implication of ____ is that _______.
X believes that ____ helps/hurts/will add to debt/etc. On the contrary/Unfortunately, it will ______.

Another way of keeping the readers focused on your argument is to use repetition of key words (within reason, of course) or synonyms within the paragraph to keep readers focused on the topic of that paragraph. Think of them as a friendly nudge on the shoulder of the reader that says "Hey you, this is my point -- stop thinking about what you'll have for lunch tomorrow and pay attention"

Introductions

Remember that introductions serve two purposes: 1) get the reader interested in the topic; and 2) start reader thinking about your topic.

The key here is to choose a particular pattern/approach and work it out: don't wander in your introduction.

Some organizational methods for introductions include:

Compare and contrast
Connect your topic with a current event
Use a then and now comparison or contrast
Narrative: tell an illustrative story
Historical events: connect your topic to a historical event
Analogy: as we learned with essay #1, make an analogy.

Chris

Joe the Plumber: America and Our Beloved Income Inequality

Joe The Plumber. His name was plastered all over the news during the 2008 presidential election campaign. He was a pawn used by the McCain campaign to represent the majority of the American population, specifically average salaries and the taxes paid on those wages. The McCain campaign used Joe The Plumber to attack the progressive tax policy that Senator Barrack Obama had suggested during his campaign, suggesting that a tax plan of that nature would be harmful to the American citizens. The strategy was partially dependent on the concept of income inequality. Income inequality is the separation of the country's top wage earners and the rest of the populace. The gap between the highest earners and the rest of the country is continuously growing, as Roger Lowenstein, a New York Times Magazine contributor points out. "In 1979, the upper 1 percent of the United States collected 9 percent of total income. Now they get 16 percent." Income inequality happens when a select few earn the majority of the money in the country. Most of the 20th century has seen a relatively low income inequality, but Elizabeth Gudrais, associate editor of Harvard Magazine, thinks that is all changing. She believes that "income inequality has been rising since the late 1970's, and now rests at a level not seen since the Gilded Age - roughly 1870 to 1900, a period in U.S. history defined by the contrast between the excesses of the super-rich and the squalor of the poor." When the super rich are making extravagant purchases, and Joe The Plumber is having his home foreclosed, that is income inequality. This inequality is bad for America because it makes earning a living wage more difficult, it allows the super rich to gain an unfair control over the government that was designed to represent and benefit everybody, and a higher percentage of people become sick because they cannot afford health care.

Chris used an idea that, at the time, was in the news. Referring to current events or people can be an effective way of engaging readers.

Jason

To Speak One's Mind, or to Mind One's Speech?

Speaking the truth -- or at least what you view as the truth -- is an important freedom that Americans should venerate. Much of the world is not able to voice their opinion of their leaders, or the decisions made by these leaders that affect their day to day livelihood. Iraqi's under the regime of Saddam Hussein, Afghani's under the Taliban's rule, Cuban's residing under the dictatorship of Castro, all faced censorship and oppression, if not down right brutality. One need only look as far back as the Olympic torch relays in China , when protests over China 's involvement with Tibet were suppressed, to see that political dissent is often not tolerated in many nations around the world. While most people, even those dwelling under tyranny and oppression, can look around and see that something is wrong with their government or the laws they live under, few have the opportunity to change what is wrong. In America , change is often set in motion with the freedom of speech. Before Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat, before the civil disobedience that marked the end of years of civil oppression, Dr. Martin Luther King began speaking his mind about the injustices prevalent in America at the time. Political dissent is the spark that ignites the friction between the legislators and constituents and results in change. Reform needs only a solitary voice to courageously stand up and say, "This is wrong", like Dr. King. Particularly in times of war and national crisis, dissent is the power of the people to be heard, and to challenge the government. With the likelihood of differing viewpoints and beliefs in times of turmoil, it is especially important that free speech be protected, for and by those who refuse to blindly stand in line and resound with a "Yes Sir!" to policies and procedures contrary to their beliefs. Political dissent, especially during war and crisis, helps America , because the inherent right to disagree with the popular opinions of the nation and say so is an integral part of living in a democracy, freedom of speech is essential for an informed citizenry, and dissent allows the citizenry to challenge political and social injustices.

Jason makes a number of historical references here -- which works well given his position that dissent is a natural part of history.

Alena

A Personal Conflict with the War in Iraq

On September 11, 2001, I was sitting in class-- probably doodling on my notebook -- and barely tuning into my teacher. A sophomore in high school without a care in the world, that was until two planes hit the World Trade Center. Never before have I or anyone in my generation witnessed an act of international terrorism like this. Before we knew it, our country was at war with Iraq. During the next seven years I personally was not affected by the war. I didn't have anyone close that was living it. That was until I met my boyfriend, who is an Army Ranger. Now the war is affecting my life everyday and I firmly believe with not only my heart, but from my research in this class, that America should not have entered Iraq.

Declaring war and entering Iraq was a decision made by President Bush and Congress based on fallacies. After the terror attacks that took place on September 11, 2009, President Bush and the American people were seeking justice and retaliation for the attacks. In March 2003, when we set foot on Iraqi grounds, the war began. Although President Bush felt the war was necessary, many Americans, including myself felt it was unjust. The decision made by our President seemed rushed and with the overwhelming information rebutting his reasons, there was no real cause to jump into war. America should not have invaded Iraq because there was no evidence of weapons of mass destruction, no proven links that al-Qaeda was linked to Iraq, and the high cost, financially, and emotionally.

Alena uses a personal story to move into her topic: while not all instructors approve of this, I find it an effective way to engage readers.

Patricia

Growing up in the Philippines, a developing country, I was exposed to all walks of life: the affluent, the middle class, and the poor. The rich traveled internationally many times in a year. They had country clubs where they played golf or rode their horses. Some of the affluent children were trained to be equestrians, which the low class could only dream of. The affluent basically had all the comfort, money and luxury that the middle and low classes could only wish for.
The middle class were the people who lived better lives than the poor but not as luxurious and comfortable as the rich. People of the middle class could afford to eat at the restaurants at least once or twice a week. They could travel once in a while, like going to Manila (capital of the Philippines) during summer. Despite the seemingly comfortable lives of the middle class, they, too, suffered from competition with the rich. For instance, middle class entrepreneurs were having difficult times competing with fast food chains since their richer counterparts had more money to invest in advertising and had more famous names.

Aside from the affluent and the middle class, there was also the low class. They had terrible living conditions—some were homeless. Their jobs were not stable and the working conditions were poor. For instance, I remember seeing in the news the farmers of Hacienda Luisita (one of the oldest and famous haciendas in the Philippines) rallying because, according to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, they were "only given work once a week with a take-home pay of as low as P9.50 [approximately 0.18 cents in US Dollars]," which was far below the minimum wage. The three aforementioned scenarios show how different and how alarming the living conditions of each class are due to income inequality. To my disappointment, I thought to myself with a sigh, "That’s the real world, the stark difference between the fortunate and the less fortunate. Why does it seem that the poor gets poorer each year? Is it because the rich are greedy?" Those were my thoughts as a young girl back then. I thought America was the best place in the world—Disney World was there. Being innocent as I was, I thought that all the Americans were rich because they lived in the land of opportunity.

But after being exposed to articles on income inequality and poverty here in America, it finally hit me that even the richest countries have problems with income inequality. Alan Greenblatt, the writer of "Upward Mobility," shows how substantial the difference is between average incomes of the rich and the poor in America:

In 2000 the average income of the top 1 percent of American households was 189 times that of the bottom 20 percent, compared to 1979 when the top was earning 133 times as much. By 2001, The Economist reports, the top 1 percent of American households earned 20 percent of the income and held 33.4 percent of all the net worth — their biggest slice since the 1920s. (371)

The data shows that as years go by, the affluent gains more, while the poor remains poor. Due to the growing income inequality, poverty level is on the rise. As of 2004, "the poverty rate increased to 12.7 percent, from 12.5 percent in 2003" (Leonhardt). New York had the highest increase in poverty level—from 19 percent, it rose to 20.3 percent (Leonhardt). Just as income inequality weakened my home country, it can weaken my adopted country because it leads to the increase in the mortality rate of the poor, it slows income mobility, and it hinders economic growth.

Patricia mixes a personal story with a comparison/analogy to another country. Again, this can make for an effective introduction.

So you have several options for your introduction:

Connect your topic to current events
Relate to personal experience -- this can be from your own life or the story of someone else that you've uncovered in your research.
Use historical information; a variation of this is a then and now contrast or comparison
Analogy (remember we used these in essay #1)
For many of these topics, polling data -- people's opinions -- can make for an effective opening.

Proofreading

See packet for before and after proofreading samples.

Setting Up Quotes

Remember that quotes need to be set up by providing a context -- setting up for the reader how the quote fits into your argument and why you are using it.

Consider the following sentences

It took a couple of centuries but the liberals were finally able to free the slaves by means of a civil war and the Emancipation Proclamation. Although it still took many, many years for the African-Americans to enjoy true liberty, they were free to lead their own lives. "In certain places, it denied black Americans the right to sit where they wished on a public bus, to drink from a public water fountain, to eat in restaurants, to stay in hotels, to go to public schools with whites or to vote." (253).

As written, the "bus" quote refers back to the time of the Emancipation Proclamation -- 1863 -- which of course is incorrect. And who wrote this sentence?

It took a couple of centuries, but liberals were finally able to free slaves by means of a civil war and the Emancipation Proclamation. Although it still took many, many years for the African-Americans to enjoy true liberty, they were free to lead their own lives. Yet liberals realized that the battles fought during the Civil War were not finished. As late as the 1960s, Roger Rosenblatt reports that people of color were not allowed "[. . .] to sit where they wished on a public bus, to drink from a public water fountain, to eat in restaurants, to stay in hotels, to go to public schools with whites or to vote" (253).

With this in mind, it's time to tidy up your citations: be sure to introduce each quote with an introductory phrase, and be sure to accurately cite your source, whether you use quotations, summaries, or paraphrases. If citing the introductory material before the essays, be sure to let the reader know who is speaking -- and where you got the information from. In particular, you'll need to use "qtd. in" (an abbreviation for quoted in) in your parenthetical citation (count the "in"s in this sentence). This phrase lets the reader know that while you're quoting from a particular person, that person is not included in your works cited sheet. An example will make this clearer.

Making Connections: Transitions and Setting Up Quotes

Many students tell me they want to work on the "flow" of their essays. One way of developing a smooth flow is by moving the reader carefully from one sentence to the next. The examples below, from before and after proofreading, illustrate how adding just a few short sentences can help a reader better understand your idea and thus your argument.

Tip for cohesion

Remember that when moving from sentence to sentence, readers must be able to follow your logic. This is accomplished by using transitions. The "This" in the previous sentence illustrates one way of knitting together your thinking/writing -- and is an important word to keep in mind. By referring back to "follow your logic," the "This" acts as a bridge, a connection between the two points you're making in your sentences. Another way to make a connection is to use words like "another" (for a list of such words, see below). Connections can also be made by repetition, as in this sentence where I repeat the word "connection" from the previous sentence. Using repetition and transition words keep readers focused on the main topic of your paragraph/idea, which in turn makes it easier for readers to follow your logic.

By now you should be wondering, "well, how do I come up with effective transitions?" Easy. Working one paragraph at a time, develop/brainstorm a list of synonyms or words/phrases associated with the focus of that paragraph (Example? In a paragraph on "work" you might include words like job, wages, time-clock, employer, employee, labor, etc.). Keep this list handy as you revise /proofread , and be sure to insert these words throughout the paragraph.

Punctuation Nation

An "economic crisis", that seems to be the two most frequently used words today in America, all over the news and from every politician's mouth.

How many words does a sentence need to have? One? Two?

Consider using fragments for a dramatic effect.

Economic crisis. These seem to be the two most frequently used words in American media today.

It's All Academic

A major difference between academic writing and journalism is precision. Consider the following two sentences from a student essay

America is fighting a never ending war.

Sounds great -- dramatic effect and all. But is this true? Is the war really never ending?

The student added a qualifier to the sentence that makes the argument/point valid as opposed to a generalization.

America is fighting a war that seems never ending.

This second version is the more precise and academic version of this sentence. And since this is a course in academic writing, it's the way to go.

Avoiding Plagiarism

For some reason, when some students write this essay, they forget everything they've been taught, and revert back to high school mentality: "Essay assignment? Cool! I'll just copy and paste from the internet and have it completed in no time!" While I can't explain why this delusions occurs, I can offer examples of it, and suggestions on how to avoid it. First examples

"Egalitarians believe that inequality is unjust and justice requires a society to move steadily toward greater equality. This is the aim and the justification of proportional taxation, affirmative action, equal opportunity programs, and of the whole panoply of anti-poverty policies that bring us ever closer to the socialist dream of a welfare state. These policies cost money. The egalitarian approach to getting it is to tax those who have more in order to benefit those who have less. The absurdity of this is that egalitarians suppose that justice requires ignoring whether people deserve what they have and whether they are responsible for what they lack. They suppose it just to ignore the requirements of justice"(Kekes, John). Income inequality in the United States is the extent to which income, most commonly measured by household or individual, is distributed in an uneven manner.<<<THIS SENTENCE IS TAKEN DIRECTLY FROM THE WIKI ESSAY ON INCOME INEQUALITY AND IS NOT CITED. THIS EQUALS PLAGIARISM It has been going on since society ever discovered a higher, middle or lower class and it still growing today. Income inequality is good for America because it increases motivation for individuals and promotes a free market capitalist society through competition, which in turn, creates more wealth for more individuals.

This student did the ole' "copy and paste from the internet" method of writing, which results in an automatic F. Do I need to add you should avoid this? Good, didn't think so.

Sometimes the plagiarism isn't as obvious. Consider the student example below:

America 's problems with the Iraqi dictator, Saddam Hussein go back many years. So when we suspected he was building weapons of mass destruction, the U.S, along with Britain built a case for urgent invasion. Saddam Hussein's hostility to the West, and his alleged support of international terrorists, made it even more imperative to invade Iraq (Alaprandi).

The problem here is that Alaprandi's essay has a sentence which reads

U.S. and Britain built a case for urgent invasion based on the suspected weapons programs, Saddam Hussein's hostility to the West, and his alleged support of international terrorists.

The solution is simple: add quotation marks.

America 's problems with the Iraqi dictator, Saddam Hussein go back many years. So when we suspected he was building weapons of mass destruction, the U.S., along with Britain "built a case for urgent invasion. Saddam Hussein's hostility to the West, and his alleged support of international terrorists, made it even more imperative to invade Iraq "(Alaprandi).

The lesson with this example is that it is okay to mix summaries with quotes -- as long as you clearly separate the wording from the source with quotation marks.

How to avoid it in the first place?

Manage your time and meet the deadlines posted in the syllabus (not doing this is probably the main reason students resort to plagiarism);
Take writer's notes;
Plan your essay. Even this late in the semester, after seeing the advantage of working from an outline, a few students still try to just try to write it "off the top of my head." As you've discovered, academic essays take time and require detailed use of sources and explanations. This kind of complex and reasoned thinking doesn't "just happen" -- you have to plan it. We've review reason and evidence sheets, formal outlines, mapping, and making lists to organize your thinking. Choose one.

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