Lesson Plan Madame Bovary

The usual disclaimer on spelling and grammar applies (remember, these are notes)

Nineteenth century:

A time when class barriers were weakened.  The fruition of the industrial revolution led to a rise in the middle-class.

           One of the most important factors of the 19th c. was the decline of religion.

Realism:            these writers wanted a true representation of reality (of course, reality as they saw it).  Concentrate, not on grandly romantic heroes (who make deals with devils), or people on epic quests, but on common, everyday people -- the drama of real-life.

Naturalism:       a degree of realism with a deterministic slant -- man, as an animal, a product of his environment and experiences.  God is nowhere to be seen.

Materialism: a love of things, worldly goods as opposed to spiritual ones.

EXPLAIN BOURGEOIS

Style
What is meant by "objective" or "impersonal" style?

Notes on Madame Bovary

Quick Biographical

Brilliant correspondence

 F’s Father was a surgeon

Overview of novel: The scenes

Part One
The school
Roualt’s farm
Emma as a girl/convent
The marriage
The home and realization
The ball

Part Two
I Yonville, Houmais, Arrival of Hirondelle
II Dinner and Leon
III Emma bored and with child.  Goes with Leon to visit wetnurse (905+ - great scene)
IV Sunday’s with Houmais – increasing intimacy with Leon
V trip to flax mill: Emma realizes Leon’s in love with him: meeting with Lheureux; plays the good wife
VI Emma in Church – Abbe Bournisien – Berthe hurt
VII Leon leaves Rodolphe appears
VIII The fair
XI horse ride
X rendevous with Rodolphe
XI operation on Hippolyte
XII plans to Elope
XIII plans dashed – convalescence
XIV Lheureux – comes for the money—Emma finds religion – and loses it.
XV Opera and meets Leon again

Book three
I Leon and Emma together again – coach ride 998
II Father in law dies – Lheureux needles his way in again.
III interlude with Leon – gets power of attorney
IV More interludes with Leon – piano lessons
V Money, Emma falls deeper into depravity
VI Lheruex goes for broke: the notice
VII Frantic for money: Leon, G. – even Binet
VIII Rodolphe and suicide (1041 takes poison); final appearance of Blind man – her death 1048
IX the wait over the body – comedy
X Roualt arrives: the funeral

 Questions for Madame Bovary:

 Charles

Emma

·        INCIPIENT ROMANTICISM: “her temperament was more sentimental than artistic, and what she was looking for was emotions, not scenery” (871); 952 –

·        FULL THROTTLE ROMANTICISM

o       romanticism in full bloom: “Have you got your pistols?” (952)

o       1022 MUST READ and ask, What’s wrong with what she wants?

o       Read 948 “I have a lover! I have a lover!” she kept repeating to herself, reveling in the thought as though she were beginning a second puberty” (948) What does this reveal about her character?

o       Wants Leon to steal for her: tells him “Don’t just stand there like a spineless fool!” (1030)

·        Read 871-872 and then ask: what would this kind of reading do to a person’s thinking?  How would they view love?  How would they view life?

·        873: “etheral languor” what is languor?  Does this fit her character? Why include this longish passage?  What does it show about her?  What is the narrator’s position on this?  What’s Emma’s age here?

·        873 “cured of her illusions”

·        read 874: What does this illustrate about her character now? HER IMAGINATION how do we think about her?

·        887; What does this illustrate about her character? EGOTISM

·        READING 899 “Nowadays I’m crazy about a different kind of thing – stories full of suspense, stories that frighten you.  I hate to read about low-class heroes and their down-to-earth concerns, the sort of thing the real world’s full of” (899) 900 “You’re quite right” the clerk approved.  “Writing like that doesn’t move you: it seems to me to miss the whole true aim of art.  Noble characters and pure affections and happy scenes are very comforting things.  They’re a refuge from life’s disillusionments  As for me, they’re my only means of relief, living here as I do, cut off from the world.  Yonville has so little to offer!” (900)

o       On her child, Berthe “she accompanied her caresses with gushings that would have reminded anyone except the Yonvillians of Esmeralda’s mother in Notre-Dame de Paris” (913).
o       Late in the book “She would read till morning – lurid novels full of orgies and bloodshed” (1025)
o       What doesn’t Berthe, the daughter, learn to do in the story? READ

·        “She refused to believe that things could be the same in different places; and since what had gone before was so bad, what was to come must certainly be better” (901)
·        READ 902 CONSUMERISM: EMMA’S REACTION TO PREGNANCY.  How is she like many other mothers?

 Look at NYT article

And what, after all, leads to her downfall? Is it being discovered as an adulteress?  No, it’s money.

o       What makes her decide to go horseback riding? “It was the riding habit that decided her” (944)
o      
979 Even religion involves money “She bought rosaries [ . . .] she wished she had an emerald-studded reliquary”  needs objects.
o      
The elder Mme. Bovary ranting on how the young spend too much money today – sounds very similar 1016
o      
1039 frightening scene in Rodolphe’s room where she catalog’s his wealth
o      
**** “the cause of her horrible state – the question of money – had faded from her mind.  It was only her love that was making her suffer” (1040) IS THIS TRUE? IF SHE HAD MONEY, WOULD SHE BE SUFFERING?  Consider the following quote from Rousseau’s Confessions

“I worship freedom; I abhor restraint, trouble, dependence.  As long as the money in my purse lasts, it assures my independence [. . . .] The money which a man possesses is the instrument of freedom” (431)

o       “He waxed his mustache, and signed – just as she had – more promissory notes.  She was corrupting him from beyond the grave” (1058)

·        905-06: Why add the scenes with the wet-nurse?  Why does the wet-nurse keep going back to Emma?
·        “Love, to her, was something that comes suddenly, like a blinking flash of lightning – a heaven sent storm hurled into life, uprooting it, sweeping every will before it like a leaf, engulfing all feelings.  It never occurred to her that if the drainpipes of a house are clogged, the rain may collect in pools on the roof; and she suspected no danger until suddenly she discovered a crack in the wall” (910)

How should we feel about her?

  1. Sympathy: the Abbe “It seems to me that to be warm and well fed . . .” (918); On Rodolphe’s compliments “It was the first time that Emma had had such things said to her” (943); “She had that indefinable beauty that comes from happiness, enthusiasm, success – a beauty that is nothing more or less than a harmony of temperament and circumstances” (967); she repulses the advances of Guillaumin “It’s shameless of you to take advantage of my distress! I’m to be pitied, but I’m not for sale!” (1034)

  2.  Scorn: pushes child (919) After hurting child thinks “It’s a strange thing [ . . . ] what an ugly child she is” (919); debases herself with Binet (1036)?

·        Enjoys being part of a catalog of fallen women (948) “Now she saw herself as one of these amoureuses whom she had so envied: she was becoming, in reality, one of that gallery of fictional figures; the long dream of her youth was coming true” (948) SHE IS, INDEED, BECOMING PART OF THE GALLERY OF FICTIONAL FIGURES; after Hippolyte’s failed operation, “Adultery was triumphant” (962); but after Leon is played out, “Adultery, Emma was discovering, could be as banal as marriage” (1026)
·        After Rodolphe, “She scarcely thought of [Leon] now” (951)
·        Emma, thinking of R. “It was not an attachment; it was a kind of permanent seduction.  She was in his bondage.  It almost frightened her” (953)

·        Thoughts of suicide after reading letter 974; in book three “expressing regret that her illness had not been fatal 

Roualt

 Houmais

 Lheureux

 Leon

 Rodolphe

 Justin

 Thanatos and Eros

 Structure/construction of the novel

·        page 859 – double connection of body/backs

·        Contrasting paragraphs show the dangers of appearances – also shows inability of language to convey all emotions/thoughts:

o       870: love for Charles, love for Emma;

o       910 Emma’s view of Charles, Emma’s view of Leon;

o       914 – she’s acting all good, but inside “torn by wild desires, by rage, by hatred”;

o       919 pushing child then loving it, appearances;

o       965 Emma’s love and Rodolphe’s boredom;

o       READ 968 hilarious contrast of the domesticity of Charles and the romantic flights of fancy of Emma;

o       1005 Read description of voyage to restaurant on island – then their attitude

·        Great reminder: Brings in Rodolphe to L’s and E’s tryst in a the boat. (1006)

·        “That was how she obtained her husband’s permission to go to the city once a week to meet her lover.  By the end of the first month everyone found that her playing had improved considerably” (1008)  TOO FUNNY

·        How/when does Flaubert use comedy? (See 1050-51 argument b/t houmais and Abbe while emma’s corpse lies there)

·        Why does the beggar appear in the Third Book (1011)?

 Satire of manners and pretensions

·        865 set piece on the dress of the wedding guests

·        866: the wedding cake

·        RELIGION 888 plaster priest falling apart; Abbe going to Hippolyte at the worst moment and trying to scare him into going to church (958); “She conceived the idea of becoming a saint” (979);

o       “When she knelt at her Gothic prie-dieu she addressed the Lord in the same ardent words she had formerly murmured to her lover in the ecstasies of adultery” (980)

o       While waiting for Emma, Leon “The church was like a gigantic boudoir, suffused by her image” (995)

o       On her deathbed “The priest stood up and took the crucifix; she stretched out her head like someone thirsting; and pressing her lips to the body of the God-Man, she imprinted on it, with every ounce of her failing strength, the most passionate love-kiss she had ever given” (1047)

In his "A Simple Heart," the main character ends up confusing a stuffed parrot with Jesus.

·        Dr. Connived – not most caring man. 960

 Objectivity

·        read 866: what doesn’t he say? THAT THE VIOLIN SOUNDS BAD.

·        911: flames at mention of Leon’s love

 Death/marriage

·        ****IMPORTANT FORESHADOWING 869 “the other bride’s bouquet!  She stared at it.  Charles noticed, picked it up, and took it to the attic; [. . . Emma] wonder[ed] what would be done with it if she were to die

 irony – but does the narrator show it?

·        876: discrepancy b/t Charles’s and Emma’s feelings. What does the narrator say about this?  And note the pictures on the plates of the convent; COMPARE THIS WITH END OF PART I

·        879: read description of old man who had lead a romantic life.  Now how would you react to such a person? READ DESCRIPTION OF EMMA’S REACTION

·        Church incident with Abbe’ – works on two levels: yes, he’s rude, doesn’t help her, but he also reminds us of the real people who need help “farmers have plenty of troubles [ . . . .] Workingmen in the cities, for instance” (917) Also shows people can’t communicate

·        Why mix the speech with the seduction 936+? Why mix rewarding of the prizes with Rudolphe expressing his love 939?

·        940 Is the medal presented to the old woman ironic? How do the townspeople feel about it?

·        What does the following suggest about politics? 941 “now that the speeches had been read everyone resumed his rank and everything reverted to normal.  Masters bullied their servants, the servants beat their cows [ . . .] (941)

·        The press report of Houmais on the agricultural show that nothing can be trusted 942

 inability to communicate: connected to the weakness of language

·        Emma wants to talk about her dreams, but “She could find no words, and hence neither occasion nor courage came to hand” (874)

·        The press report of Houmais on the agricultural show that communication is always doubtful 942

·        961 – both Emma and Charles sitting while Hippolyte is operated on – Emma thinks that Charles is not thinking about anything.

·        ****on the praise that Emma showers Rodolphe with: “He had had such things said to him so many times that none of them had any freshness for him.  Emma was like all his other mistresses; and as the charm of novelty gradually slipped from her like a piece of her clothing, he saw revealed in all its nakedness the eternal monotony of passion, which always assumes the same forms and always speaks the same language.  He had no perception – this man of such vast experience – of the dissimilarity of feeling that might underlie similarities of expression.  Since he had heard those same words uttered by loose women or prostitutes, he had little belief in their sincerity when he heard them no: the more flowery a person’s speech, he thought, the more suspect the feelings, or lack of feelings, it concealed.  Whereas the truth is that the fullness of soul can sometimes overflow in utter vapidity of language, for none of us can ever express the exact measure of his needs or his thoughts or his sorrows; and human speech is like a cracked kettle on which we tap crude rhythms for bears to dance to, while we long to make music that will melt the stars” (963).

o       The dangers of language: at the opera, she first realizes “the true paltriness of the passions that art painted so large” (986) What is this realization?  But Flaubert isn’t finished yet: “Her resolution not to be taken in by the display of false sentiment was swept away by the impact of the singer’s eloquence” (986) – what does this show?

o       On Leon and Emma making up lies to show their romanticism: “Speech is a rolling machine that always stretches the feelings it expresses” (991)

 Dreams and longing (Romanticism?)

·        The husband Emma didn’t get “handsome, witty, distinguished, magnetic – the kind of man her convent schoolmates had doubtless married” (876)

·        Emma thinks “Didn’t love, like Indian plants, require rich soils, special temperatures? Sighs in the moonlight, long embraces, hands . . .”

·        Contrasting dream o

 Ennui – contrast with Candide

·        After the return home from the ball: “The next day was endless” (883)

·        886 READ AND ASK WHAT THIS SHOWS: “She longed to travel; she longed to go back and live in the convent.  She wanted to die. And she wanted to live in Paris” (886).  WHAT DOES THE “AND” AFTER DIE DO?

·        PAGE 887 – “she was waiting for something to happen”

·        891: Yonville – why describe the town in this manner?  Which words are important in this description?  Why?

·        893: “Since the events which we are about to relate, absolutely nothing has changed in Yonville” why this paragraph – it goes into the future – what purpose does it serve?

·        “Leon was tired of loving without having anything to show for it, and he was beginning to feel the depression that comes form leading a monotonous life without any guiding interest or buoyant hope” (920)

·        CANDIDE Charles’s mother on Emma “She needs to be put to work – hard, manual work.” (925)

·        Houmais and the Abbe “They sat opposite one another, stomachs out, faces swollen, both of them scowling – united, after so much dissension, in the same human weakness; and they stirred no more than the corpse that was like another sleeper beside them” (1052)

 Sexuality

·        881 THE WALTZ: what has Flaubert transformed a supposedly stiff and formal dance into?

 On the wealthy and money

·        “There was an air of indifference about them, a clam produced by the gratification of every passion; and though their manners were suave, one could sense beneath them that special brutality which comes form the habit of breaking down half-hearted resistances that keep one fit and tickle ones vanity – the handling of blooded horses, the pursuit of loose women” (880)

·        Lestiboudois – making money off of the church: potatoes, and renting chairs (933)

 Symbolism

 Fate

 Notes from

Brombert, Victor.  The Novels of Flaubert: A Study of Themes and Techniques. Princeton UP, 1966.

 Brombert argues the novel contains patterns of ennui (55). Argues that the “liquid images” and flatness of landscape support this (56, 57).

 Emma is usually at the window – which signals both repression (i.e. locked in a prison) and freedom (a means of escape and reverie) (57-58)

 “Confusion, whether due to oppressive monotony, moral drowsiness or spiritual anesthesia, is one of the leitmotifs in Madame Bovary.” (Brombert 62-63)

 “In Flaubert’s world, life is not fought out and lost, but spent.” (Brombert 66)

 “The entire value of my book . . . will have been the ability to walk straight on a hair, suspended between the double abyss of lyricism and vulgarity (which I want to fuse in a narrative analysis)” (Brombert 79)

 irony comes from double view in the novel: a depiction of a scene where the narrator reveals a discrepancy b/t what the character thinks v. what we think.

 For Flaubert “adultery was a magic word.  Ever since his adolescence the notion of adultery was endowed with a poetic and a tragic meaning.  His own life-long dream of an adulterous relation with Elisa Schlesinger had much to do, no doubt, with this poetization of illegitimate love.  But there are other reasons, in addition to the obvious autobiographical echoes.  To the entire generation reared on Romanticism – and Flaubert is as much a ‘victim’ as Emma – adultery, because of its officially immoral and asocial status, acquired a symbolic value: it was a sign of unconventionality, rebellion and authenticity.  But more important still [. . . ] adultery holds out the promise of beauty precisely because it is the forbidden happiness, the inaccessible dream, that which always eludes: the Ideal.” (Brombert 82-83)

 “A curious symbiotic relationship exists between Flaubert and his heroine.  The novelist, despite his practice of a double perspective, draws his fictional creature toward himself, and discovers himself in Emma even more than he projects himself into her” (Brombert 83)

 “It is not her intellect, but her capacity to dream and to wish to transform the world to fit her dreams, which sets her apart” (Brombert 85)

 “Baudelaire insists that despite his zeal as a ‘comedian,’ Flaubert, being unable to divest himself of his sex and to turn himself into a woman, infused his own ‘virile blood’ into the veins of his fictional creature, and thus raised Emma to the rank of a superwoman embodying all the qualities of ‘ideal man’: energy, ambition and above all that ‘supreme and tyrannical faculty,’ imagination” (Brombert 88).

 In a letter to Louise Colet, Flaubert’s mistress, he says “there comes a moment when one needs to chastise oneself and to ‘hate one’s flesh’” (Brombert 16)

 As a young man, Flaubert wrote to Ernest Chevalier “If ever I take an active part in the world, it will be as a thinker and demoralizer. I will only state the truth; but it will be horrible, cruel and naked” (qtd. in Brombert 16)

 F. believed that “The truly great artist's ‘superhuman impersonality’ is part of his attempt to lose himself in a reality larger than the self.  His life matters not at all” (Brombert 22)

 “In a letter to George Sand in which he denied himself as novelist the right to hate or love his characters, he proclaimed unequivocally the importance of sympathie, for that was another manner: ‘One never has enough of that’” (Brombert 22)

 To Ernest Feydeau “books are not made like babies, but like pyramids, with a premeditated plan, by placing huge blocks above the other” (qtd. Brombert 44)

 Flaubert had an earlier novel/tale, Passion and Virtue, with a similar plot (woman engages in affair and then kills self (Brombert 39-40)

In a note to himself about the novel, F. wrote that Charles “ADORES his wife, and of the three men who sleep with her, he is certainly the one who loves her most [ - This is what has to be stressed].” (qtd. in Brombert 42-43)

 Group questions, Madame Bovary

 1.     Why does the novel open with Charles?  Given the title, why not start with Emma’s childhood first?

2.     How does Flaubert suggest, just from the first glimpses we get of Emma, that she enjoys sensuousness? (quotes from text are needed here, of course)

3.     The Blind man of the third section of the novel definitely grabs our (and Emma’s) attention – but what is he doing in a novel of adultery?  When does he come into the novel?  Why?  Why blind?  Why so infested with disease? 

4.     Given our list of the “I”s of romanticism discussed last week, find passages in the novel that connect to Emma, Leon, and Rodolphe to specific categories.

5.     The biggie: is Emma a character to be scorned, or a character to be sympathized? Arguments for both with examples from the text to support your points.

6.     Ask question of your own from your body paragraph

Pictures and Essay on our own penchant for romanticism

Romance Novel covers

 

From www.carriageart.com/ frame49311.html

While Mary is not a big fan of the "naked chest" or the "man's face" on romance novels, Naughty, Naughty, with its full-monty naked chest approach, came in third place. This cover featuring a man's torso as he takes off his t-shirt features wash-board abs and reeks of raw sexuality. Sex does sell, after all.

 

Here's what we heard about Naughty, Naughty:
  • An author known for her sexy series romances found this cover "very, very sexy." She loved it.
  • VL found Naughty, Naughty simply "nifty." She did, though, get some "ragging when caught reading the book," so she has some reservations about its overt sexuality.
  • Jennifer likes pretty landscapes and most assuredly "works of art," but found "the guy on Naughty, Naughty" to be "the best work of art" she's seen in a long time.
  • Angie doesn't like "gaudy clinches", but has no problem with images of heroes such as this on covers.
  • Chandra won't buy a romance if there isn't a picture of the hero and/or heroine on the cover. She prefers "something sexy" to draw her attention.
  • And, finally, there's Kira, with tongue in cheek, who wrote, "Please send the model for this cover to my house."


St. Martins,
no credit

From http://www.likesbooks.com/covrcol14b.html

For Richer or Poorer, to Our Visa Card Limit

July 13, 2003

For Richer or Poorer, to Our Visa Card Limit

By JENNIFER BAYOT

The mermaid-shaped gown with the $4,200 price tag was the first purchase that Cynthia Davis, of Coral Springs, Fla., charged to her Visa card. The tiered cake, the groom's tuxedo and gifts for the bridesmaids followed, putting Ms. Davis and her fiancé, David Davis, in serious debt for the first time in their lives.

Two more credit cards paid for doves to be released after their vows and for a horse-drawn carriage to take them to their reception, where 340 guests would be waiting.

When the big day was over, the balance due was $12,000 — a debt the couple struggled with for three years, through bouts of unemployment, until they separated in 2001.

Wedding bills are weighing down couples and their parents long after the "I do's," and many have been forced to seek financial counseling as a result, according to credit counseling agencies.

Young couples with modest incomes are having the most trouble repaying. Whether they celebrate lavishly or modestly, they are more likely than ever to pay for their weddings without help from their parents. And even when parents pay, what more and more people expect of nice weddings is increasingly more elaborate for both the richer and the poorer. And so, with debt do they start.

Ms. Davis, now 23 and an administrator at an employment agency, has since entered credit counseling to help her manage her wedding debt.

"I hope everyone had a good time, because I'm still paying," Ms. Davis said, laughing, then quietly added, "really paying in a big way — not only financially, but with my marriage."

Howard S. Dvorkin, the president of Consolidated Credit Counseling Services Inc., in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., said, "Paying off these weddings is going to take a heck of a lot longer than the few hours the party lasted, maybe longer than the marriage lasts." He added, "Because there's the emotional aspect, people lose sight of the finances when they're getting married."

Springboard Non-Profit Consumer Credit Management, based in Riverside, Calif., says that in 2002 close to 240 customers — about 2 percent of its clients — named wedding spending the primary source of their debts, more than double the figure for 2001. Springboard said that with the exception of poor budgeting every other cause of debt that clients cited at least as frequently was unavoidable, like unemployment or illness.

Consolidated Credit, one of the country's five largest accredited agencies, reports that so far this year 5.2 percent of its 6,000 new customers have cited wedding debt as a reason for seeking credit counseling, double the rate of wedding-related cases the company took on in 2000, just before the last recession began.

There has been no data collected on whether wedding debt is a factor in the increase in personal bankruptcies. But in some cases, such counseling is a step on the road toward bankruptcy.

For Mitchell and Sandra Crim of Bellevue, Wash., spending for their daughter Sarah's wedding day "was a matter of pride," said Mr. Crim, a customer service representative for Nintendo. "We did not want to appear cheap, or that we were incapable of giving her the wedding she wanted. And that's just part of the illusion."

The 250-guest affair that the Crims held for their daughter in August 2001 saddled them with $4,000 of credit-card debt. The payments were a burden from the start, they said, and after Mrs. Crim's employer reduced her hours, the debt made even paying for groceries difficult. "And it was hurting our relationship," Mr. Crim said of his own marriage. "It's so difficult when the main focus of your existence is trying to find a way to pay these people," he said, referring to the creditors.

 The Crims went for credit counseling this past February. They now make monthly payments under a plan that, Mr. Crim wryly notes, will take four to five years to pay the remaining bills from their daughter's big day. "If you have to buy something on credit, buy a house. Buy a car," he said.

 Certainly do not buy a wedding." 

 But wedding planners across the country say that couples are, in fact, buying weddings on the installment plan. And although there are no numbers on how often brides and their families are borrowing, a recent survey of 1,400 bridal magazine readers found that last year 43 percent spent more on their weddings than they had budgeted.

 The survey, from the Condé Nast Bridal Infobank, a research service for its wedding magazines, also found that the average wedding now costs $22,000, representing more than five months' worth of wages for a middle-income family, according to data from the Census Bureau.

Yet after adjusting for inflation, that $22,000 represents only a 7 percent increase over the average cost of a wedding in 1990. Moreover, the average wedding consumes no more of a middle-income family's earnings than it did in 1990, suggesting that weddings are not necessarily less affordable than they were a decade ago.

So why is wedding debt an issue now?

 For one thing, more couples are paying for their own weddings — 27 percent last year versus 23 percent in 1997, according to the Bridal Infobank. And an additional 30 percent are paying at least part of the bill, up from 18 percent in 1997. Newlyweds typically earn less than their parents, and often already carry the burden of student loans. Many are also trying to save enough to make a down payment on a house.

 Wedding expectations, meanwhile, have far outgrown people's incomes, especially those in the low to moderate end, said Chrys Ingraham, an associate professor of sociology at Russell Sage College in Troy, N.Y., and author of "White Weddings," a book about America's fascination with weddings. Couples who years ago would have simply married at City Hall are now "emulating what they believe to be an upper-class model," Ms. Ingraham said. "There is this notion that the big wedding is a good thing for everybody."

 Pamela J. Smock, a sociologist at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan, last year interviewed about 120 people who were living with their romantic partners and earning low to moderate incomes.

 She said she found that the inability to pay for "a real wedding" was keeping a fifth of them from marrying.

 "The perceived cost of the wedding — what we as a culture have now decided is the standard for a wedding — is very powerful," Ms. Smock said.A sluggish economy is also making wedding debt more of a problem. Only two months after Stacey and Justin Blair amassed $20,000 in credit card debt to pay for their May 2001 wedding, Mr. Blair was laid off from his job as a laboratory technician. Ms. Blair said that because of their wedding debt, the couple had to move into her aunt's house to save on rent.

 They also parted with their two leased cars in favor of sharing a used car, and they enlisted a financial planner to monitor their spending, even submitting their credit card statements for review each month.

 "Everything was just a mess," Ms. Blair said. Still, she considers the wedding well worth it: "It was such a fun day, I didn't care how much we put on our credit cards." 

But the impact of wedding debt goes beyond finances. During the first five years of marriage, the most common and intense source of conflict among couples under the age of 30 is debt brought into marriage, according to a large national study conducted in 1999 by the Center for Marriage and Family at Creighton University in Omaha. Among all of the nearly 800 spouses surveyed, regardless of age, it was the third-most-troubling issue, behind time management and sexual issues.

 For Trisha Betts, a 26-year-old office manager from Houston, repaying her $6,000 wedding loan meant spending more than three years scrimping and living with the occasional suspension of telephone service. It meant frequent arguments with her husband. The two divorced on Feb. 13. "If we didn't have any debt, things would have been different," Ms. Betts said.

 At the same time, Ms. Betts shares the opinion of many marriage therapists that financial stress is commonplace in married life. Michael G. Lawler, the director of the Center for Marriage and Family, said, "It's the United States of America, after all, and there's going to be some sort of debt." He added, "The question is what strategies do you have, together, to deal with the debt?"

 Douglas and Jacqueline Weaver, who live in Rockmart, Ga., spent more than a decade dealing with the $5,500 or so in credit card debt that they incurred for their wedding in 1992, when they were barely 21. They finished repaying it last month, after nearly five years in a debt management program.

 Ms. Weaver said the experience has taught them patience: whether that meant waiting to use their single car while the other was out, or saving enough to buy a second car, or taking day trips instead of having out-of-town vacations, or chipping away at debt keeping them from buying a house. Mostly, Ms. Weaver said, the debt taught them to have patience with each other.

 Last week, the Weavers took their two sons on a trip to the Smoky Mountains for the family's first big vacation since a honeymoon trip to Orlando, Fla.

"We've been married for 11 years, and we just are finally seeing light," Ms. Weaver said happily. 

And when they returned home on Friday night, it was to their own house, which they bought last year.

 

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