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Revising a Literary Essay (Essay 2)
Just as for Essay 1, you'll find here a variety of suggestions and
student writing
samples. In addition to more complex thesis statements, you'll note the
inclusion of secondary sources, a requirement for this essay.
Note: the samples were extensively revised by the students
before submission – this is what your own essay can look like, not how
it reads after a single draft.
Organization | Argument | Introductions | Odds and Sods
Organization
Organization guides readers through your essay, transforming the rich
-- but jumbled -- array of thoughts and arguments in your head into a
logical flow that another person can follow and nod along with as they
read.
We've reviewed thesis statements. Now
we'll focus on topic sentences. They serve two purposes: 1) they refer
back to your divisions, guiding the reader through your essay; and 2)
they set up and focus the individual arguments in your paragraphs which
will prove the validity of your thesis.
Consider the following thesis and topic sentences:
Look for the following when revising to clarify your organization:
- Clear thesis and divisions
- Clear topic sentences with repetition of division word (see below for example)
- Repetition of division word within paragraph
- You
could also develop list of synonyms connected to division work. For
instance, in a paragraph discussing an oppressive society, you could
use words like suppress, control, hold back, etc. to keep readers
focused on your main point.
- Break divisions into two paragraphs?
Below you'll find rough drafts and then revised thesis statements and topic sentences from student essays.
Thesis and Topic Sentences: Example 1
Thesis
Spiegelman’s memoir Maus: A Survivor’s Tale uses text and pictures to tell the story of his father’s survival of the Holocaust, but it is not a picture book. Numeroff likewise uses text and pictures in her picture book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie about a young boy stuck in a cycle of filling a mouse’s needs after giving him a cookie, but it is not a comic. The fine line separating these types of works comes from how the pictures relate to the text, the use of visual text features, and the use of paneled layouts with gutters.
Topic Sentence
Illustrations or images? The distinction between the seemingly interchangeable words lies at the heart of discerning comics from picture books.
Topic Sentence
Where an illustration clarifies and defines, an image is an idea or representation.
Topic Sentence
Instead of always speaking for their characters, the authors of comics often employ visual text features to give their characters the power of speech.
Topic Sentence
In a typical picture book, what the character says can be found in the text set apart from the illustration.
Topic Sentence
The most defining feature of comics is the use of paneled layouts with gutters. |
Thesis and Topic Sentences: Example 2 note repetition of key words.
The
caged bird motif, a widely used trope in literature, alludes to the
fact that someone feels imprisoned by his or her circumstances.
After the brutal murder of her lover, the protagonist attempts suicide by flinging herself into a river.
The
ubiquitous “hunch-back” character, first appearing in his namesake
chapter 7, turns up at a time when the protagonist displays the most
vulnerability (Nückel).
Predestined to return into her life the “hunch-back” looks on ominously in image 2 of chapter 13 (Nückel).
The religious imagery in Nückel’s novel shows most prevalently in the repeated use of the image of the cross.
One
of the most striking images of the cross in image 8 of chapter 13 hangs
above the bed where the woman has committed adultery against her
husband, the “taylor” (Nückel). |
First some examples and then suggestions on how to create similar arguments.
Example 1
Thesis: In Ghost World, Clowes depicts emerging adulthood, particularly the summer after graduation, as a liminal state in the life of its heroines. He does this by depicting Enid as contrary and unsure of who she really is, through her nostalgia for her childhood and her avoidance of the imminent future, and by following the sudden deterioration of Rebecca and Enid's relationship following their high school years.
The strongest indication of the liminal state of adolescence in Ghost World, though, is the sudden deterioration of Enid and Rebecca’s relationship toward the end of the novel. When we encounter the girls at the beginning of the novel, both of them are deep into the liminal phase of adolescence. They have both just graduated high school, and spend most of the novel together wandering aimlessly throughout its suburban setting, searching for something to do without much care for whether or not they accomplish anything meaningful. Arnold Van Gennep says “that all rites of passage or ‘transition’ are marked by three phases: separation, margin (or limen, signifying ‘threshold’ in Latin), and aggregation.” He states that in the phase of “separation,” the subject becomes detached from their former societal role. For Enid and Rebecca, this takes place when they graduate high school. During the actual liminal state, or margin, the subject “passes through a cultural realm that has few or none of the attributes of the past or coming state,” which is the phase the girls are in throughout most of the novel. During the final phase of aggregation, the subject finds a new niche in their society, thus exiting the liminal state (Turner 359).
Why, then, do Enid and Rebecca seem to grow apart as the novel progresses? First, it seems that Enid and Rebecca are struggling to aggregate and take their rightful place in adult society, and they seem content to avoid this at all costs. Enid, due to pressure from her father, ends up applying to a college and taking an entrance exam. This angers Rebecca, and she even debates whether or not she should go away with Enid so that they can stay together. The novel reaches a sort of climax when Enid finds out that she has failed the exam, and thus will not be able to go away to college. After Enid received this crushing news, some time seems to have passed, and we find that Rebecca has started working at a bagel shop in town. Enid sees her there one day, and it is clear that they have not spoken in a while. Rebecca, upon seeing Enid says that she “didn’t even see [her]” and rubs her eyes, saying “I think there’s something wrong with my eyes… You’re all blurry…” (Fig. 2).
Figure 2, (Clowes 76)
This seems to suggest that Enid has taken on a sort of ghostly presence, while Rebecca is now grounded in the reality of adulthood. By taking on a real job and abandoning Enid in her aimless lifestyle, Rebecca has successfully completed the third phase of aggregation, crossing the threshold into the adult world . |
Example 2
Thesis: The
fine line separating these types of works comes from how the pictures
relate to the text, the use of visual text features, and the use of
paneled layouts with gutters.
Illustrations or images?
The distinction between the seemingly interchangeable words lies at the
heart of discerning comics from picture books. Illustrations in
picture books explain to the reader what is happening. In
Numeroff’s picture book, when a page says, “When you give him the
milk,” it shows a picture of a boy giving the mouse a glass of milk
(Numeroff 3). The picture provides a visual definition to explain
to readers what the text on the page says and means—pretty
straightforward. Picture books are often meant for young readers
who are still learning beginning literacy skills, so the illustrations
provide them with a supplementary aid to their reading. In their
essay "Comics Are Picture Books: A (Graphic) Novel Idea," Elisa and
Patrick Gall argue that comics are a form of picture books. The
artwork in these two mediums, however does not serve the same
purpose.
Where an illustration clarifies and defines, an image is an idea or representation. Spiegelman’s Maus uses pictures to represent characters’ situations and feelings.
The pictures do not have to match exactly what is stated in the
text. For instance, there are several pages where the text and
image work in tandem to layer meaning. On page thirty-three a
panel's text states that “Another fellow told us of a relative in
Brandenberg-the police came to his house and no one heard from him
again” (33). The image portrays a cat, representative of a Nazi,
beating a mouse, representative of a Jew, as the sun, which appears as
the swastika of the Nazi flag, sets in the background. This image
evokes the fear and power the Nazis held over the Jewish people.
Instead of telling, it alludes to the fact that this relative was never
heard from again because he was beaten to death. The reader must
analyze both the image and the text to decipher the meaning of the
panel. This works opposite of the way illustrations work in that
it creates a more complex interpretation. As if the images
themselves weren’t complex enough, comics also often combine text into
the image to create visual text features.
|
Example 3
Through the audience’s acceptance of their role as the “implied reader,” the awareness of semiotics as a mode of communication, and the interplay of images and text, graphic novels are elevated to contend with and surpass the gross misconception that the medium is subordinate to traditional forms of art and literature.
Wolfgang Iser, in The Act of Reading, uses the term “implied reader” (34) to refer to a theoretical figure that possesses the background knowledge necessary to interact with a text and the “literary repertoire” on which it draws upon. In Sean Connors’ essay, “Altering Perspectives: How the Implied Reader Invites Us to Rethink the Difficulty of Graphic Texts,” he explains that the extent of one’s repertoire— “a collection of social norms, values, and conventions that exist in the world outside of text, and that readers and writers ideally share”—determines the ability in which one can readily adopt the role of the “implied reader.” Iser’s concept of the implied reader is crucial in the realm of graphic novels-- a medium where reader participation is a dynamic task. Connors details how students who possess knowledge of literary, artistic, and cinematic conventions and those who are willing to adopt the role of the reader—approaching the graphic novel with an open mind and a willingness to apply outside knowledge to the framework of the medium— “are able to engage with graphic novels in ways that students who lack familiarity with the diverse range of conventions they employ are not.” (34). Confronting Otto Nuckel’s Destiny—a novel absent of text, a story in roughly etched and scored woodcut panels—is no easy task if one is to approach it with the notions and experiences of the 21st century. While the emotions evoked in Destiny are universal to man, the conventions Nuckel employed in the work are specifically hinged to the time period, political and economic climate, and the natural constraints of the medium. A responsible read of the work includes background knowledge of the Depression in Germany during the 1920s and ‘30s, the evolution of German Expressionism with the aim to “‘render visible’… the raw effects of emotion, sexuality and spirituality […] which explore the hidden world of the unconscious […]to shed light on the complex impulses underpinning daily life” (Buchanan). The acknowledgment of the restrictions of woodcuts as a medium to showcase a story in pictures, is crucial in recognizing the significance of each element within a panel. The nature of broad, staggered, and often ambiguous line work within woodcuts, as opposed to crisp lines of pen and ink, force the reader to engage with the panel using a close eye so as to derive a clearer meaning. This task of participation on the reader’s part grows from within the panels, to between them, since our participation in the act of closure is the only bridge between the images (McCloud). The fluidity of Destiny relies on the reader since the panels “…fracture both time and space, offering a jagged, staccato rhythm of unconnected moments. But closure allows us to connect these moments and mentally construct a continuous, unified reality” (McCloud). Our understanding and meaning of the novel as centered on a female protagonist whose journey through life is one marked by sorrow, is the closure that we provide page by page and the meaning we extract while we participate in the closure necessary to make comics “work.”
The three panels above appear on a single page each, in sequential order, in the chapter Nuckel titled “The Child.” Without any dialogue or narration, the reader is left to rely on the knowledge of the chapter title, the elements within the composed panel, and the panels’ contextual relation to come to a general conclusion that: before daybreak our protagonist left her room in a rush, delivered her baby riverside, and in an overwhelming grief, actively or passively saw to the drowning of the child, which was fetched out of the water, limp and lifeless, by sailors. One can see how the chapter titles help to catalog the events, although this wordless novel does not give the reader a passive reading experience by any means. Destiny invites its readers to shed their preconceived ideas about books comprised of seemingly rudimentary renderings absent of words, by drawing on the rich cultural, artistic, and literary conventions Nuckel employs. When one is able to draw on those conventions, and bring their knowledge to the analysis of the work, the message gleaned is luminous. While the adoption of the role of the “implied reader” is instrumental to one maximizing their interpretation of a work, so is the awareness of semiotics as a mode in which the creator is communicating to the reader through our knowledge of universalities. |
Remember that quotes do not explain themselves: it's your job as the
writer to make your case by providing the reasoning behind your
decision to include a particular quote.
- Provide context to set up your quotes/images: do this by
hinting to readers what you want them to pay attention to in the
words/image you're about to insert into your paragraph.
- Look at the following aspects of the quote/image
- Figurative language (metaphor, symbol)
- Characterization (psychological motivations of a character)
Explain how either of these (or both) support your reading of a
quote/image and/or the point you're making in the paragraph.
- Focus
on explaining how your quote/image proves your point – talk out the
significance of the shape of a line, the sharpness -- or softness -- of
an image, explaining how and why it proves your point by using
- Analogies
- "If . . . then" sentence patterns
- Historical Connections
- Contrast or comparison
- Definitions of word
- Try using a verb from the following list to shift into argument
agree
argue
believe
charge
claim
comment
|
conclude
consider
criticize
declare
describe
define
|
discover
emphasize
explain
feels
illustrate
imply |
indicate
reinforce
reveals
shows
suggests
supports |
Sample sentences might follow these patterns include
This harsh line suggests that _______
They indicate the ____
This emphasis on finding ______ suggests that ___________
Supporting this idea of capitalism as an oppressive force, the the image of dollar bills __________
The description reinforces the idea that ______ |
If the purpose of an introduction is to engage the reader and
provide an overview of your topic, and the purpose of your rough draft
was to get your thoughts down, it's probably time to rewrite your
introduction. Try the following suggestions -- and remember that in
literary essays, you should mention the 1) authors and 2) titles --
with dates -- you'll be covering.
- analogy
- contemporary/historical events
- explain focus of essay
- personal connection
Conclusions? Avoid merely summing up your main points (sure to
invoke the yawn reflex). Try to answer or refer back to your
introduction – this creates a kind of "circle" for the reader and
results in a very satisfying read.
Example 1
If You Give a Maus a Cookie
The Difference Between Comics and Picture Books
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|
Above,
Art Spiegelman’s character Vladek finds himself interrupted during his
pedaling by Laura Joffe Numeroff’s cookie fanatic mouse
character. Oy vey! Vladek attempts to educate the pipsqueak
that just because they are both cartoon representations of members of
the rodent family, that does not make them the same. The
differentiation of the genre of comics from picture books contains
arguments both for and against their separation. Historically the
differences may have been difficult to detect, but as the medium has
developed over the years, comics have created distinguishing
characteristics that have bred a different genre from picture
books. Both genres often utilize both text and pictures to
tell a story, but the way they interrelate and are laid out on the page
are different. There will always be exceptions to the rule when
dealing with visual and literary artworks, but these differences in
structure generally make up the separation of the two genres.
Spiegelman’s memoir Maus: A Survivor’s Tale uses text and pictures to tell the story of his father’s survival of
the Holocaust, but it is not a picture book. Numeroff likewise
uses text and pictures in her picture book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie about a young boy stuck in a cycle of filling a mouse’s needs after
giving him a cookie, but it is not a comic. The fine line
separating these types of works comes from how the pictures relate to
the text, the use of visual text features, and the use of paneled
layouts with gutters.
|
Example 2
The Liminal State of Adolescence in Ghost World
Since
the inception of modern comics in the early 20th century, few works
within the genre have managed to garner a serious amount of criticism
on an academic level. Daniel Clowes’ Ghost World is one of these few books. On par with works by industry greats such as
Art Spiegelman and Alan Moore, Clowes’ magnum opus has been hailed by
literary critics as a commentary on consumer culture, hipsterism,
suburban life, and adolescence; among other things. Clowes’ narrative
also seems to be representative of the anthropological concept of
liminality or rites of passage. The world “liminal” comes from the
latin word “limen” which means threshold, and is usually used to
describe a state of transition or change that later leads to growth
(Turner 359). In Ghost World,
Clowes depicts emerging adulthood, particularly the summer after
graduation, as a liminal state in the life of its heroines. He does
this by depicting Enid as contrary and unsure of who she really is,
through her nostalgia for her childhood and her avoidance of the
imminent future, and by following the sudden deterioration of Rebecca
and Enid's relationship following their high school years.
|
Example 3
The Graphic Novel: An
Adult Case of “Green Eggs and Ham?”
A six-year-old in 1999 found great
enjoyment in chewing five-second lasting bazooka gum just to read and
pocket the small comic-lined wrappers, they loved cutting out Peanuts and Garfield strips out of the Sunday paper (keeping in the lines), and having dad read the same Calvin and Hobbes book repeatedly to his dismay. That six-year-old grew and fostered an
evolving love for the medium of comics and graphic novels trying as
they may, to bring loved ones into the light and genre-haters off their
backs and into the temporal vortex of the gutter. As the wrestling
inner six-year-old boldly defended, the twenty-something sought out why
some still have their hang-ups with graphic texts, whether outright
refusing to acknowledge the medium as a platform for learning or not
being able to “get into it” despite having tried to. What is stopping
people from pursuing and achieving the sublime satisfaction of reading
a work in this medium so deserving of unique recognition? Fear of the
unknown and the lack of guidance in approaching the work in a way in
which one can glean as much as it has to offer. Through the audience’s
acceptance of their role as the “implied reader,” the awareness of
semiotics as a mode of communication, and the interplay of images and
text, graphic novels are elevated to contend with and surpass the gross
misconception that the medium is subordinate to traditional forms of
art and literature.
|
And finally, remember that revision involves focusing on the reader.
Successful revision means continually asking "how can I make this
clearer?" "Will my reader understand me here? "What do I need to change
to clarify my argument?" I'm looking forward to reading your answers to
these questions.
Top suggestion for successful revision? Work on your essay one
paragraph at a time. In other words, do not try to sit down and revise
the entire essay in one sitting. Break your revision down into sections
so it will seem less onerous and so you can continually come to your
work with fresh eyes. For an overview of the kind of reading necessary
for revision, see Donald Murray's The Maker's Eye. You can also review the suggestions on the Course Documents page.
Proofreading
Often confused with revision,
this is the careful attention to words and punctuation that separates
the profound from the pedestrian (hint: go for profound). After you've
completed your revision -- which focused on adding ideas, deleting
wayward thoughts, adding explanations -- it's time to focus on the
words: the way that you'll communicate with the reader.
Top two suggestions for proofreading? 1) slowly read your work out
loud: if you sprain your tongue on a particular phrase, that's a sign
it needs work, and 2) repeat #1 . . . repeatedly. For an interesting
take on the kind of attention necessary when proofreading, see Pico
Iyer's In Praise of the Humble Comma.
© 2019 David Bordelon
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