How to Revise a Paragraph and Add Sources
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Look over your essay for areas where additional evidence may be needed. In general, there are three kinds of research you can include in your essay:
Note that in each case, the sources aren't inserted for their own sake: they support your argument.
When reading secondary sources, be sure to have a copy of your essay handy and refer to it.
Remember that you are using these sources to support your own arguments -- treat them as you would examples from your primary source. These examples do not speak for themselves -- you have to connect them to the argument in that specific paragraph.
Introduce quote with critic's name and correctly cite both in-text and on works-cited page.
When revising a paragraph or adding sources, you're aiming for two things: explanation and clarity. The first, explanation, means adding and deleting sentences to make your meaning clear to the "ignorant reader." And since all readers are ignorant of what you are trying to say, it's your job to experiment and find different ways of presenting your thoughts on paper (or a screen, as the case may be): "How, exactly, does the quote from the story or outside source prove your point?" "Why do you include this sentence?" "Where do you address the second part of the topic sentence?" These are all the kinds of questions that will prompt you to add explanation.
The clarity comes in as you whittle down and starting working on the wording of your sentences and placement of punctuation. Have you set up the quote with context? Have you properly cited your source?
Note on citations:
We'll be using MLA citation for all of our work.
Here we have a paragraph that was submitted as a final draft.
Paragraph 1
Sammy is an everyday hero because his character is flawed. He is not perfect, nor
does he pretend to be. Just like everyone else in the world, Sammy has his
imperfections. This makes him a realistic hero because he is just that-real. He
is an ordinary boy with an ordinary job, but he uses his courage to quit his job
for the girls that got embarrassed. He would be considered a hero in everyday
life.
What's missing in this paragraph are quotes from the story that would provide evidence to support the writer's assertions. Without specific quotes, the assertions are just that: assertions. The moral? Be sure to base your assumptions/assertions on quotes.
Let's look at a revised version of the same paragraph -- which includes an outside source.
Revised Paragraph 1 -- with research added
Sammy is an everyday hero because his character is flawed. Just like everyone else in the world, Sammy has imperfections. For instance, his chauvinistic view of women marks him as a character in need of an attitude adjustment. When he poses the question "You never know for sure how girls' minds work (do you really think it's a mind in there or just a little buzz like a bee in a glass jar?)" (15), it's clear that Updike is fashioning a character who is burdened, much like others, with prejudices. This shows that, just like everyone else in the world, Sammy has imperfections. Updike, choosing a first person narrator that allows readers to "hear" Sammy's thoughts, puts these imperfections on display. Yet it is these same flaws that make him a realistic hero. His heroism is not of the rescue-a-woman-from-a-burning-building variety. Instead, he is an ordinary boy with an ordinary job whose courage forces him to quit his job because of Lengel's treatment of the girls. In fitting with his ordinary character, he decides to speak against an action that, as Updike notes in an interview "seems suddenly cruel and unethical," (qtd. in Murray 34). In choosing to quit a job over the treatment of people he does not know, Sammy joins the long line of everyday heroes who stand up for others, regardless of the consequences.
Works Cited
Murray, Donald. "Interview with John Updike." "A&P". Ed. Wendy
Perkins. Fort Worth, Texas: Harcourt Brace College Publishers,
1998. 33-37. Print.
Updike, John. "A&P." Literature: An Introduction to Fiction, Poetry
and Drama. Ed. X. J. Kennedy and Dana Gioia. New York: Longman, 2002.
14-19. Print.
This is, quite literally, a revision. The writer has looked again at what was written, and made the necessary changes (here mainly additions) to make their point clearer. Much of the original paragraph remains, but this version is more persuasive because it supplies information from the story, and, in particular, provides a more detailed argument. Pay attention to how the quotes, both from the story and from the source, are set up with context so that readers can understand why they are included -- even before they read them.
For clarity, pay attention to the placement of periods in both the in-text citations and the format of the works cited entries.
Here we have a paragraph that drifts away a bit from the topic at hand (Sammy's flawed character), and thus needs work with clarity -- and with correctly citing the source.
Paragraph 2
Sammy is an everyday hero because his character is flawed. Traditionally, a hero is a supreme being
who always achieves in defeating adversaries and providing a happy ending. In
reality, heroes of such epic proportions do not exist. Sammy is a realistic hero
because while his intentions are righteous and he acts gallantly, he still fails
in getting the girl. A traditional hero would have whisked the girl away,
defeated the defeated the bad guy, Lengel, and become the new and most
celebrated manager of the A&P. The flaws in Sammy's character are seen clearly
when in sticking up for the girls Sammy falters and instead of saying something
great he mumbles, "I started to say something that came out 'fiddle-de-do'."
(18). When Sammy finally makes it outside the girls are gone. Now it is
evident that Sammy is a realistic hero because the guy does not always get the
girl, and can become tongue-tied just like everyone else.
Revision of Paragraph 2 #7 -- with
Secondary Source added (and proofread)
Sammy is an everyday hero because his character is flawed. Traditionally, a hero is a supreme being
who gallantly defeats adversaries. In reality, heroes of such epic proportions
do not exist. Instead, Sammy is a more realistic hero because while his
intentions seem righteous -- he tells Lengel "You didn't have to embarrass them"
(18) -- his behavior -- calling a customer a
"witch" (14), focusing on the girls' body parts -- is contemptible. His flaws are also seen when he tries to
respond to Lengel's comment about the conduct of the girls: "It was they who were embarrassing us" (18). Instead of a
clever retort, Sammy falters, and mumbles "something that came out 'fiddle-de-do'"
(18). This response humanizes him; we've all had that moment when we need a
great come back, but became tongue-tied. These flaws invest his
actions with a realism that fits the situation. Sammy's actions reveal a
young man whose conscience has awakened and who, as the critic Gilbert Porter
suggests, "has chosen to live honestly and meaningfully" (66). Significantly, Sammy makes
this decision, and according to Ronald E. McFarland, "achieves a certain degree
of heroism" (61), at an
A&P, an American institution which symbolizes the kind of mindless obedience
that Sammy is fighting.
Works Cited
McFarland, Ronald. "Updike and the Critics: Reflections on 'A&P'."
"A&P". Ed. Wendy Perkins. Fort Worth, Texas: Harcourt Brace
College Publishers, 1998. 56-62. Print.
Porter, M. Gilbert. "John Updike's 'A&P'; The Establishment and an
Emersonian Cashier." "A&P". Ed. Wendy Perkins. Fort Worth,
Texas: Harcourt Brace College Publishers, 1998. 62-66. Print.
Updike, John. "A&P." Literature: An Introduction to Fiction, Poetry
and Drama. Ed. X. J. Kennedy and Dana Gioia. New York: Longman,
2002. 14-19. Print.
Note how the revision both refocused the paragraph on Sammy's flaws, and then incorporated two sources which help prove the argument. Note, in particular, how the last version (more closely proofread), smoothes out some awkward phrasing from the draft, resulting in a tighter argument.