Body Paragraphs

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Body Paragraphs #2

Assignment | Submission | Suggested Steps to Write Paragraph  | Sample Topic Sentences | Sample Paragraphs

Overview
These paragraphs serve several purposes.  Most importantly, they give you a chance to start working out your own reading of a story. They also keep you practicing 

1. focusing on a single topic;
2. smoothly integrating a secondary source;
3. transitioning from one paragraph to another on the same topic;

In sum, this assignment will help you understand the novel by narrowing down to a specific reading/interpretation and exposing you to different scholarly viewpoints.

Assignment
Write two body paragraphs focused on a single topic. This topic should be based on a topic sentence which follows the format below.

The _______ (<possible division) in ________ shows/illustrates/suggests/demonstrates/etc. ________ (<possible thesis).

This leaves you with an implied thesis and a specific division to argue.  See the student examples below to get an idea of the kind of writing required for this assignment.

Remember that this is a body paragraph, not an introduction: you can just use the author's last name because it's assumed you already mentioned the author's full name and the title of the novel in your introduction (which again, you don't have to write).

While the focus will be on the primary source (the novel), for this assignment you'll incorporate a secondary source from either our textbook or one of the suggestions on the Secondary Sources page.

Think of these paragraphs as body paragraphs for an essay -- in other words, you'll develop one particular division that could work in an essay.  That said, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO USE THIS SAME TOPIC OR SOURCES FOR ESSAY #2.  YOU CAN CHOOSE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TOPIC. Sorry to shout, but wanted to make this clear.

Since you're citing sources, you will need to include the works cited.

Grading will be based on the following criteria:
Content: Paragraphs focus on a specific point and use specific quotes from the sources; they also includes an explanation of why and how a particular quote or word  from a source proves the point of the paragraphs. The depth and insight of the explanation will be the main basis of the grade.
Proofreading: Correctly documented in text documentation and works cited entries. Sentences that are clear and no more than 2 major errors.
Major errors: Sentence fragments, run-on sentences, verb-tense error, subject-verb agreement error, unclear phrasing/tangled wording, words that I cannot decipher, and spelling/wrong word error.

Submission Requirements
Click on the Assignments link from our Canvas page and then follow the instructions for Final Draft of Body Paragraph 2.

Suggested steps to writing a paragraph

First, review the student sample paragraphs below to get a clear idea of the level and kind of writing required for this assignment. To focus your paragraph, start off with a clear topic sentence.  This will provide you with a point to argue. Try using one of the fill in the blank examples below.

Sample topic sentences
____ suggests the story is really about love.
____ is another form of love shown in the story.
_____ is one of the coping mechanisms used by the girls.
Another way __ copes is through ______.
______ is another way _(the story title)_ connect to the ___ of today.
A story's role in creating fear/reality/doubt/etc. is also shown by/through _______.
The idea that ___ is based on ____ is also shown by ________
The idea that stories create ____ is shown by _____.
The ____ of modern American shows the story's relevance.
____ is another way the story remains relevant.

After your topic sentence is set:

• Make a list of sentences (quotes from primary and secondary sources) to use for evidence
• Define any ideas in topic sentence
• Provide context to set up quotes: see also the "Introducing Quotes" page.
• Make sure quote is connected to topic sentence
• Explain how a quote is connected to the topic sentence
  • Repeat focus/argument word from topic sentence to keep readers, uh, focused on your argument
• Revision
  • Revise by deletion: take out whatever doesn't fit with argument
  • Revise by addition: explain how a particular word makes your point; use an analogy to make your argument clearer
• Proofreading
  • check for correct grammar
  • transitions between sentences -- repetition of word from previous sentence?
  • double space lines
  • cite properly

Sample Paragraphs
Below find some sample paragraphs with my comments.  These will give you an idea of what to work towards (examples 1, 2, and 5) and what to avoid (examples 3&4). 

Example 1

The idea that stories create reality is shown by O'Brien choosing to create a work of fiction. <<MAYBE EXPLAIN ABOUT EMOTION HERE? HOW THAT WAS HIS GOAL? He could have chosen to write a documentary-like book that followed exact events during his time in Vietnam. Books such as this can have a profound impact on readers because of the strong dose of reality they deliver, but this is not what O'Brien was after. He instead chose to write a work of fiction that he pulls bits and pieces of real events into. Why do this? Why does this create a story that is in a way more true than if he had strictly stuck to facts? We can look to professor Robin Silbergleid for some insight into this.<<NICE TRANSITION As the director of creative writing at Michigan State University, she quite literally lives and breaths literature.<<GOOD POINT In a published article on this book she perceptively wrote WRITES THAT : “And the implication of O'Brien's legally declared fiction of Vietnam is that, ironically it is in storytelling that the truths of Vietnam might best be spoken” (Silbergleid 136). The truths that she speaks of here are meant to be truths on an emotional level. By altering events in the book O'Brien is able to paint a much more vivid picture. >>GOOD POINTHad he not done this, the sharp edge of the book's INVENTIONS? events would have seemed dull and lacked emotion. This is precisely why O'Brien chose to write a fiction and point out it's fictitiousness throughout the book.  

It is beneficial at this point to look at this from the perspective of the ubiquitous movie night at home. We have all done it,<<COLON sitting on your couch going through the endless movie choices that are available right in our living rooms. Maybe you<<TRY TO AVOID YOU have an interest in the Vietnam war, maybe not, but from an engaging standpoint what would you choose to watch if you were set on this topic? A hardcore facts only documentary that shows you exactly what happened? Or a more theatrical version that although it may not be 100% factual, engages your emotions to the point you feel what it was like to be there? Most would likely choose the latter and for good reason. O'Brien understood this and wrote “The Things They Carried” in line with that understanding as Silbergleid pointed out. The best way to convey what it was like to be boots on the ground in Vietnam is by evoking the jarring emotions he felt in his readers. MAYBE GET CLOSER TO THE “TRUTHS OF VIETNAM” – WHAT ARE THESE? MAYBE THAT THE WAR ITSELF WAS BASED ON FICTION? A quick read of the first chapter or two proves just how effective this tactic is, and by the story's conclusion the net result is simple. O'Brien's fictional method of telling a completely non fiction story draws readers in so deeply that the line between fiction and non all but disappears.

Works Cited

Silbergleid, Robin. "Making Things Present: Tim O'Brien's Autobiographical Metafiction." Contemporary Literature 50.1 (2009): 129-155. Literary Reference Center. Web. 3 Nov. 2014.

REALLY SMOOTH AND POLISHED WRITING HERE. KEEP WORKING ON PULLING IN EXAMPLES FROM THE NOVEL TO MAKE YOUR POINT CLEARER AND ON DEVELOPING A STRONGER ARGUMENT.

Example 2

Gallows humor is one of the coping mechanisms used by the soldiers in Things. In intense situations, such as serious diseases, loss, or death, people often use dark humor to get through the rough time. They joke about things that in normal situations seem horrifying,<<COMMA NOT NEEDED to help them cope. War is an example of intense situation that requires quick coping in order to survive. In ThinGs, O’Brien shows how the soldiers used gallows humor as a quick coping mechanism. In a war THE NOVEL THE soldiers are surrounded by death. In AN attempt to stay sane despite the incessant blood shedding around them, THEY? soldiers found sarcasm is a good way to lessenED the heaviness. In one incident, on O’Brien’s fourth day in the platoon, they went into one A village after an air strike. The village was destroyed with no sign of former life, except one dead old man. O’Brien was still a rookie and “hadn’t yet developed a sense of humor” (214) which was necessary for following the other soldiers’ emotional defense method. They “grabbed the old men’s hand and offered a few words” as if the innocent old man was still alive. Pretending the dead man was alive helped the soldiers postpone the agony of death for a later time. They thought it was funny, DASH “respect for [the] elders” (214), DASH and could not understand the rookie’s reluctance to join their joke. While O’Brien felt sickness for the rest of the day, the other soldiers’ Gallows<<LOWER CASE humor helped them quickly cope with the sorrow of fatality.

Using gallows humor to cope with friends’ death helped the soldiers survive emotionally. Letting time for grief is crucial in the process of fully recovering from loss, but in a war there is no time for mourning. Gallows humor was the soldiers’ default method to stay emotionally stable when facing fatalities of friends. If watching Curt Lemon exploding to pieces on a tree was not horrible enough, Dave Jensen and O’Brien was ordered to pluck his body part from the tree. In order to distract himself from the horror, “Jensen [sang] “Lemon Tree” as [they] threw down the parts” (79). Another example is the surreal conversation the soldiers had with Ted Levander’s corpse. While imitating Levander’s nuances, they gave him a chance to say goodbye.<<COLON “I’m ready to fly” (218).<<NO COMMAthey said for him, so he was not a sad casualty anymore. O’Brien himself notes that he intentionally combines humor with tragedy in his writing, because that IS usually how people cope with extreme situation (O’Brien & Hicks 3)<<USE THIS EARLIER TO FRAME ALL THIS IN AUTHORIAL INTENTION.  
 
WorkS Cited
O’Brien, Tim. The Things They Carried. New York: Mariner Books, 2009. Print.

O'Brien, Tim, and Patrick Hicks. "A Conversation with Tim O'Brien." Indiana Review 27.2 (Winter 2005): 85-95. Rpt. in Short Story Criticism. Ed. Jelena O. Krstovic. Vol. 123. Detroit: Gale, 2009. Literature Resource Center. Web. 6 Nov. 2014.

Example 3

Writing is one of the coping mechanisms used by soldiers.<<GOOD IDEA FOR A FOCUS. GENERALIZE ABOUT WRITING AND COPING TO SET UP YOUR OVERALL ARGUMENT.  THIS WILL ALSO GIVE YOU LANGUAGE YOU CAN REPEAT THROUGHOUT THE PARAGRAPH Sometimes soldiers get obsessed with writing about what they experience, or what they see going on,<<COMMA SPLICE.   also their feelings about the war. O’Brien says how his daughter tells him,SPACE”NOT SPACE it’s an obsession, that I should write about a little girl who finds a million dollars and spends it all on a Shetland pony.” (p.33) <<SEE http://prod.campuscruiser.com/cruiser/occ/dbordelon/152_On-Campus_NEW/152_Punctuation_When_Citing.htm FOR CORRECT PUNCTUATION WHEN CITING SOURCES. COMMENT ON QUOTE.  WHAT DOES THE QUOTE SHOW? LET READERS KNOW WHY YOU INCLUDED IT.  A lot of MANY soldiers write to cope with reality about what’s going on in the war. Soldiers experience a lot <<AVOID THIS PHRASE when they go to war and are often traumatized by the experiences they go through.

When soldiers write about the war they usually don’t have to do much research because they have all the facts about the events that happen. They use their writing for which they are familiar with. In this interview that O’Brien and Patrick Hicks did, Hicks asked, “How, if at all, do you think that growing up in Minnesota affected your writing?” O’Brien answers in two ways for sure. The settings for many of my books are located in Minnesota.” (p.85-95). This shows O’Brien is more comfortable writing about his own particular environment.<<HOW DOES THIS QUOTE/EXAMPLE CONNECT TO THE NOVEL?EXPLAIN.

MISSING WORKS CITED.

NEED CLEARER EXAMPLE IN SECOND PARAGRAPH?  NOT SURE OF YOUR POINT.  DOESN’T SEEM TO CONNECT FIRST PARAGRAPH. 

The emphasis on truth in Patrick Hicks ESSAY and Tim O’Brien’s NOVEL essay suggests that history is a construct. History is written with fact and at times, the truth from one’s perspective<<NEEDS TO BE CLARIFIED. O’Brien wrote this amazing manuscript? NOVEL? from personal experience<<DOESN’T HE SAY IT’S NOT? . In other words it was “based on a real recounting of a sighting.” (HICKS AND O’BRIEN?O’Brien, 2005<<YEAR IS NOT IN THE CITATION FOR MLA)<<PERIOD GOES HERE INSTEAD. Most of the events in the novel are not true.<<THIS SEEMS TO CONTRACT WHAT YOU JUST WROTE Any untrue event in the novel was written from O’Brien’s vision of what happened during his service in the war. Sometimes, the whole truth is not told when writing a novel or a play from the author’s historical approaches.<<NEED A TIGHTER FOCUS HERE: EXAMPLE FROM THE NOVEL NEEDED TO GROUND YOUR GENERALIZATIONS IN THE TEXT.

            When writing from personal eventS in life, certain aspects of the truth are told, but not the whole truth. Sometimes the author tends to divide the truth into certain sections. In Allegory of the Cave,<<QUOTATION MARKS. Socrates NEED MORE DETAIL TO SET THIS UP. stated that “the truth would literally be nothing but the shadows of the images.” (Plato, 2001) O’Brien’s truth in the novel was displayed the same way. The shadows of image are the way an author sees what happens in a story.<<HOW SO? THE NOVEL IS PRETTY SPECIFIC AND DETAILED.  ISN’T ONE OF HIS POINTS HOW EASY IT IS TO FOOL PEOPLE WITH DETAIL

Works Cited<<NO UNDERLINE

Literary Cavalcade; Oct2001, Vol. 54 Issue 2, p21, 5p, 4 Color Photographs, 2 Black and White Photographs<<NOT CENTERED. WHO’S THE WRITER HERE? THIS NEEDS TO BE PUT IN MLA FORMAT

O'Brien, Tim, and Patrick Hicks. "A Conversation with Tim O'Brien." Indiana Review 27.2 (Winter 2005): 85-95. Rpt. in Short Story Criticism. Ed. Jelena O. Krstovic. Vol. 123. Detroit: Gale, 2009. Literature Resource Center. Web. 7 Nov. 2014.

CONTINUE TO WORK ON SETTING UP A CLEAR ARGUMENT AND THEN FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH IT.  HERE, YOUR POINT WANDERS IN THE PARAGRAPH AND IT’S UNCLEAR WHAT YOU’RE ACTUALLY ARGUING.  IN ADDITION, MORE WORK FROM THE NOVEL ITSELF IS NEEDED.

Example 5

Displacement is one of the coping mechanisms used by the soldiers. In THE WORLD OF psychology, displacement is described as “taking out our frustrations, feelings, and impulses on people or objects that are less threatening” (Cherry). Throughout the novel there are multiple occurrences where soldiers use this coping mechanism either in the form of violence or humor. When the soldiers are faced with the burdens of war, specifically death, the reader sees them react in ways that would be described as “horrifying” in the civilian world. Rat Kiley serves as a perfect example for displacement when he mutilates a baby Viet Cong water buffalo. As O’Brien carefully describes each shot that Rat Kiley took at the buffalo, he says, “It wasn’t to kill; it was to hurt” (78).<<EXCELLENT QUOTE TO PROVE YOUR POINT. The fact that Kiley wasn’t trying to kill, but instead hurt the baby buffalo proves that it was a pure act of emotion. It is clear that he wanted to see the buffalo suffer and be in pain, just as he was over the death of his best friend, Curt Lemon. After watching Lemon literally explode into a tree, Kiley felt the need to displace his pain on to something “that was less threatening.” MAYBE USE THE WORD DISPLACE, SUBSTITUTE, ETC. TO REPEAT THE IDEA OF YOUR DIVISION. In doing so, Kiley hoped to feel better about himself but eventually wound up breaking out into tears regardless of his attempt to divert<<THERE YOU GO. THAT'S WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT his suffering elsewhere. However, throughout the span of the torture inflicted on the buffalo, his displacement mechanism helped him cope with the tragedy of a friends death.

    Besides portraying displacement in the form of violence, the story demonstrates displacement in the form of humor. Like the more common version of displacement,<<WHAT'S THE MORE COMMON VERSION? NOT SURE IF THIS IS THE Humor displacement can be described as making a mockery out of someone that is less threatening. One example that everyone is familiar with  is that of a high school bully who picks on a smaller boy in order to make himself feel better.<<EXCELLENT QUICK ANALOGY TO MAKE THIS POINT CLEAR TO READERS The novel portrays this type of humor in a specific instance with such great depth that it continues for multiple paragraphs. FOR FOR EXAMPLE TO ELABORATE, when O’Brien’s platoon came across a dead old man, they ALL began to mock him one by one. The members of the platoon shook hands with the dead man, offered him food, and even sat him up to have a conversation with him. O’Brien, being one of the only soldiers to not PARTAKE PARTICIPATE in the joke, says, “It was more than mockery. There was a formality to it, like a funeral without the sadness” (222). Since he calls it even “more than a mockery,” it is easy to see that the soldiers were trying to make the situation less “real.” They were trying to distance themselves from the fact that they were literally standing next to a dead human being. By making a mockery out of the old man, they were making themselves feel about about the truths of the war.<<EXCELLENT JOB OF EXPLORING THIS IN MORE DETAIL. However, this only provides temporary means for coping, and displacement by humor is rejected in the realm of people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Instead of mocking other people when trauma survivors have vivid flashbacks, the advised way to cope is by discussing it with someone or retelling the event. This point is brought up by Debra Kaminer, Professor at The University of Cape Town, as she describes successful treatments for PTSD saying that “re-tellings of the trauma story are a standard component of most current therapeutic interventions with trauma survivors.” This means that re-tellings would have a more long-term effect on helping people cope with their trauma. HOW IS JOKING WITH THE DEAD PERSON RETELLING. MAKE THIS CLEAR FOR REASONS In a way, the whole platoon mocking the man as a group might be dysfunctional of trying to discuss the experience, however it is still a clear act of displacement. CLEARER WRAPUP SENTENCE NEEDED TO TIE UP THIS ARGUMENT.

Works Cited

Cherry, Kendra. "What Is Displacement? - Defense Mechanisms." About Education. N.p., n.d. Web. 07 Apr. 2015.<<NOT SURE IF THIS IS A USABLE SOURCE.  

Kaminer, Debra. “Healing processes in trauma narratives: A review.” South African Journal of Psychology. Vol. 36 (2006): p481-489. Ebscohost. Web. 08 Apr. 2015<<PERIOD

O'Brien, Tim. The Things They Carried. London: Flamingo<<YOU HAVE A LONDON VERSION OF THE BOOK?, 1991. Print.

EXCELLENT WORK HERE. YOU START OUT WITH A CLEAR TOPIC SENTENCE, FRAME IT BY DEFINING AND SETTING OUT THE ARGUMENT THAT YOU BE MAKING THE REST OF THE PARAGRAPH, STATING YOUR SUBDIVISIONS(VIOLENCE AND HUMOR), AND THEN LAUNCHING INTO YOUR ARGUMENT.

© David Bordelon