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Paragraph 2 Revision 

What you should work on when revising:

  1. Reread the play, focusing now on pulling out quotes that connect to your topic sentence. You'll find sentences and descriptions that weren't even there in the first reading of the play -- and that's because you were reading for what happened. Now your emphasis has shifted to finding specific examples to support a specific point.

    Use this online version of the play for easier copying and pasting.

Collect these quotes on a new document, and as you revise, use them (particularly short excerpts) to support your point.

  1. Save your draft with "version 2" or a similar word/phrase so that you do not lose any of your original work. Then, shift to clearing mode: deleate ANY word/words/sentences that don't add to your argument.  And a new twist here: add a _blankd___ for words that don't work now, but you know are needed.
  2. Clear key/focus word in topic sentence: you could then repeat synonyms of that word throughout your paragraph. See example 2.
  3. Does paragraph "frame" the argument or point of paragraph by defining the division/point? Students often use secondary sources for this. For example, in a paragraph about how women's roles in the 19th century, state what some of those roles were. See example 3 and 5.
  4. Add context to set up the quote for readers.  Try answering these questions: at what point in the play does this quote taking place? Who is talking? Who are they talking to? And most importantly, what do you want readers to focus on in the quote? Contrast example 3 and 5 for examples.
  5. Try repeating a particular word from the quote (requoting), defining it in a way that connects it to your argument; try referring back to one of your key words to keep you and reader focused on the argument. See example 2.
  6. Try using one of the rhetorical verbs or sentence patterns under "Developing an argument" to explain your quote: remember that the goal is to get readers to understand why you're using this particular quote and how it proves the argument you're making in the paragraph. See example 2.
  7. Engage the reader: use vivid descriptions, sharply worded phrases, analogies, and "real life" examples to help readers more clearly understand your point and keep them interested in your work. See example 5.
  8. Conclusions: wrap up paragraph/division by going back to main point of paragraph/division.  See example 2, 3, 4, and 5.
  9. Check. Your. Citations.

How to cite drama

Two speakers consecutively: use block quote

The way Mrs. Wright is characterized by Hale suggests she is guilty. For instance, in response to the Attorney's question on how she looked, Hale says

HALE: Well, she looked queer.
COUNTY ATTORNEY: How do you mean -- queer? (1282)

This response, particularly the word "queer," makes Mrs. Wright seem nervous, as if she was hiding something.

One speaker

The way Mrs. Wright is characterized by Hale suggests she is guilty. For instance, in response to the Attorney's question on how she looked, Hale says "Well, she looked queer" (1282). This response, particularly the word "queer," makes Mrs. Wright seem nervous, as if she was hiding something.

______________________________________________

Below you'll find paragraphs from previous students in various stages, mainly of the "Good start: let's work from here" variety.

We'll use them to get started with our in-class revision and proofreading.

Example 1

The dismissive view of women is shown by the male's dismissive attitudes towards the women's work. Primarily this dismissive view comes from the COURT ATTORNEY who subtly antagonizes the women through his quick, witty remarks about the they how they worked on the investigation.
COURT ATTORNEY: "I guess before we're through she may have something more serious than preserves to worry about." (1158)
He comments about their works in searching through the area where the preserves were, and how the Mrs. Wright couldn't keep the kitchen clean.
COURT ATTORNEY: "And yet for all their worries, what would we do without the ladies? [. . .] Dirty towels! [. . .] Not much of a housekeeper, would you say, ladies?" (1158)
Mainly with the intention to make Mrs. Wright seem like a lazy wife who didn't work hard. While the other male characters in the story did not antagonize Mrs. Peters and Mrs. Hale as much. The SHERIFF and MR. HALE agreed with the COURT ATTORNEY with all of his remarks that dismiss the view of the female characters.

Example 2

The personas of the women in Trifles seem to be unworthy of consideration, or dismissive as shown through the sarcastic responses made by male characters. The Sheriff, the County Attorney, and Hale all seem to brush off any evidence or words said by the women, showing their disdainful feelings towards both Mrs. Hale, Mrs. Peters, and the absent, Mrs. Wright. For instance, during a conversation about Mrs. Wright and why her kitchen was unkempt, Mrs. Peters says that Mrs. Wright was worried about her preserves and the men reply by mocking the women showing the unimportance of their comment. The Sheriff says, "Well can you beat the women! Held for murder and worryin' about her preserves" (1158). County Attorney goes on to say "I guess before we're through we'll have something more serious than preserves to worry about" (1158). Then Hale joins in saying, "Well, women are used to worrying over trifles" (1158).  When the County Attorney describes Mrs. Peters observation as not "serious" it shows the amount of consideration they gave Mrs. Peter and how her statement was ignorant as seen by the men who respond condescendingly to Mrs. Peters. This illustrates how the men believe the women's everyday work such as the time consuming process of making preserves is just a "trifle". These belittling comments are showing their contempt for the women and how they not only are trying to find clues to Mr. Wright's death, but also the day to day jobs they perform. By not considering comments made by the women, the men are being dismissive towards them and what they are saying are not pieces of evidence, but inconsequential details.


Works Cited
Glaspell, Susan. Trifles The Norton Introduction to Literature,  edited by Kelly J. Mays, W.W.
Norton & Company, 2015, pp. 1156-1160.

Example 3

The dismissive view of women is shown by the masculine domination of this time period as portrayed through this play. In the 1900s, the general view of women was very discriminating. Men only thought women were good for having kicks, taking care of the house, and cooking or cleaning.  HALE: [...] "I didn't know as what his wife wanted made much difference to John" (10). This shows that John Wright could care less of what his wife's opinion could be. This shows us how disempowered Mrs. Wright actually is throughout the play, and how every man in the story belittles women and treats them with low standards as if they are less of a person. "HALE: Well, women are used to worrying over trifles" (32). Hale is mocking the fact that Mrs. Wright is more worried about her preserve jars rather than her accusation of murder. But to the men, anything these women do or accomplish is deemed insignificant. The men do not realize how much these women do, and accomplish. They become blind to their work and discriminate against them. Women are dismissed and looked over throughout the play, causing the men to never suspect them to have committed any sort of crime, let alone a murder.

Works Cited
Glaspell, Susan. Tifles. 1916. MyLiteratureLab. Web. 18 December 2017.

Example 4

Male obliviousness is also shown through gender bias in Trifles with lack of awareness, ignorance, and assumptions. To begin with, the lack of awareness among characters plays a role in oblivion. The unaware characters miss any evidence that would lead them to the motive of Mr. Wright's murder because of their failure to look more closely at detail. The sheriff demonstrates lack of awareness to the importance of checking the kitchen for clues when he acknowledges, "Nothing here but kitchen things" (1165).  Although the Sheriff denies the need to investigate the kitchen, it contains plenty of sources that could have led to the murder. From his perspective, he only sees the kitchen as a pleasant place where a woman cooks food for her family. This judgement influenced the sheriff's decision to not bother searching a place with good reputation. To add on, obliviousness to gender bias is shown through ignorance. Ignorance is demonstrated by the sheriff when he mentions, "Well, can you beat the women! Held for murder and worrying about her preserves" (1165). In response, Mrs. Hale explains, "There's a great deal of work to be done on a farm" (1165). This demonstrates that the male characters in this play don't understand and appreciate the work put into farm chores, such as preparing preserves. They don't look "behind the scenes" in the process of a simple jar of preserve. In Trifles, the author demonstrates how certain characters become oblivious due to biased assumptions. At this point in time, women are not seen as dangerous or are known for being involved in crime. The county attorney explains the advantage Mrs. Wright has when he mentions, "But you know juries when it comes to women. If there was something to show- something to make a story about- a thing that would connect up with this strange way of doing it-"(1176). This shows how difficult it is for the male characters to find Mrs. Wright's motive to murder her own husband. Their lack of a story makes it more difficult to prove Wright guilty. All in all, women are defined by their roles at this time due to gender bias.  

Works Cited 

Glaspell, Susan. Trifles. The Norton Introduction to Literature. 12th ed. Ed. Allison Booth and Kelly J. Mays. New York: Norton, 2010. 1155-1180. Print.

Example 5

Another way the play shows the hardship of farm life for women is displayed through Ms.Wright's life at home. During the era that this play was written, women were supposed to keep their homes immaculate while still keeping up with their many other tasks throughout the day. Upon entering the home after Mr.Wright's murder, the county attorney notices the kitchen and exclaims "Here's a nice mess."( 775). This directly shows his distaste to how dirty the kitchen is this time. In the next few following lines, the hardship farm life puts on women is almost directly stated by Ms. Hale. She says in reply to the county attorney " [Stiffly]There is a great deal of work to be done on a farm"( 775). This proves that even the characters in the play are aware that working on a farm can be hard work. It seems as though the men don't fully understand the stresses of farm life because they have more prestigious positions in society and are not accustomed to everyday life on the farm.Mrs.Hale's reply to the county attorney proves that there is large stress put on women by farm life. 

Some modern day tasks were not as simple as they used to be and proved to be a hardship while living on a farm.Almost as soon as the audience learns that Mrs.Wright is currently held in jail, Mrs. Peters brings up Mrs.Wright's concern about her preserve jars freezing in the night if her home where to get too cold. A jar of fruit is seemingly insignificant to the males in this play but to the women, they understand and empathize with Mrs.Wright's concern simply because they understand the hard work it takes to get a measly jar of preserves. Many hours and many steps go into making one small jar of preserves.Boiling the jars, washing the fruit, cutting the fruit, mixing the ingredients, boiling it on low heat,and canning it,  all are steps to making that one measly jar of preserves. Later in the play, Mrs.Hale gives Mrs.Peters one of the last remaining jars of preserves and advises her not to tell Mrs. Wright about her jars breaking, "If I was you, I wouldn't tell her her fruit was gone"(742) . Mrs.Peters tells Mrs.Hale not to tell Me. Wright about the jars of fruit because they empathize with her.The women know that Mrs.Wright is already under stress after the death of her husband and they don't want to add to state of distress. The jars of preserves in this play, symbolizes just how difficult everyday life on a farm for women was having to make everything from scratch while keeping their home immaculate, and even while helping on the farm.

Work Cited

Glaspell, Susan. Trifles. The Norton Introduction to Literature, edited by Kelly J. Mays, W.W.
Norton & Company, 2015, pp. 1156-1160.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© David Bordelon 2022