Camping Out on a Quote
Below you'll find a sentences from body paragraph on "Shiloh." Focus
on the changes made in explaining the quote from the rough draft to the
revision.
Rough Draft
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In addition, Norma frequently doesn't answer Leroy's
questions but brings up other subjects.
For example, Mason shows Norma's lack of communication when she doesn’t
answer Leroy after he questions, "Am I still king around here?"
(620). Instead of telling Leroy what she is feeling, Norma avoids telling her
husband how it is.
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After the quote, the writer starts an
explanation, but it seems more is needed. Readers would ask "Okay, but
how would this lead to problems?"
The revision answers this question.
Final Draft
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In addition, Norma frequently doesn't answer Leroy's
questions but brings up other subjects.
For example, Mason shows Norma's lack of communication when she doesn’t
answer Leroy after he asks her, "Am I still king around here?" (620).
Instead of telling Leroy what she is feeling, Norma avoids directly answering
the question and instead tells him “I’m not fooling around with anyone”
(620). This avoidance can lead to problems
because she adopts a defensive tone, and in the process, brings up the idea of
infidelity. If Leroy hadn’t been
thinking about that, he certainly is now, and this distrust, along with the
antagonism of her defensiveness, can lead to tensions in a relationships. These are the kind of stresses that can tear a couple
apart.
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Here the writer addresses the problems of
the couple's communication breakdown by making Norma's lack of response
clearer with a quote and then following out what this response could
lead to -- particularly, how it could create problems. The "This
_____" structure works well here because it forces the writer/reader to
look back and explain what was this said. Similarly the "If ____"
sentence format allows the writer to speculate probably effects,
leaving the reader with an idea of the ramifications of the
communication misfires. The final "These ____" sentences brings the
reader back to the topic sentence.
This example shows how
"camping out" on a quote by using simple sentence starters can address
the "I know what this means but can't explain it" part of writing/revising.
How to CampExplaining Quote Suggestions
Explain how quote is connected to the topic sentence -- focus on the
language used: consider the following
- Connotation of specific words
- Symbolism of imagery, tone [sarcasm, irony, humor,
etc.]
- Psychology/motivation of a character
- Analogies
- "If . . . then" sentence patterns
- Historical Connections
- Contrast or comparison
- Definitions of word
- Try using a verb from the following list to shift
into argument (see Verb
List page for sample sentences using these words)
agree argue
believe charge
claim
comment conclude consider
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criticize declare
describe define
discover
emphasize explain
feels
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illustrate imply indicate
reinforce
reveals
shows
suggests
supports
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Sample sentences might follow these patterns
This ____ suggests
that _______
They indicate the ____
This emphasis on finding ______ suggests that
Supporting this idea of the sea as female, the narrator adds _______
The description reinforces the idea that ______
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